SRI SRI PREMA-VIVARTA: CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Eagerness to see Sri Gaura

 

gauranga tomaracharana chhadiya
chalinu sri-vrndavane
purva-lila tavadekhiba baliya
ha-ila amara mane [1]

gauranga–O Gauranga! chhadiya–I left tomara–Your charana–feet [and] chalinu–went sri-vrndavane–to Sri Vrindavan. baliya–Thinking dekhiba–I would see tava–Your purva-lila–previous Pastimes, amara mane ha-ila–I decided [to go there]. [1]

O Gauranga! I left Your feet and went to Vrindavan. Thinking I would see Your previous Pastimes, I decided to go there.

kena sei bhavaha-ila amara
ekhana kandiya mari
tomare na dekhi'prana chhadi' yaya
na jani ebe ki kari [2]

kena–Why amara sei bhava ha-ila–did I think that? ekhana–Now kandiya–I am crying [and] mari–dying. dekhi' na–Not seeing tomare–You, [my] prana–heart chhadi' yaya–is leaving [me]. jani na–I do not know ki kari–what to do ebe–now. [2]

Why did I think that? Now I am crying and dying. Not seeing You, my heart is leaving me. I do not know what to do now.

o ranga charanamama prana dhana
samudra-balite rakhi'
ki dekhite ainunija matha khainu
udu udu prana-pakhi [3]

o ranga charana–Your reddish feet [are] mama–my prana–life [and] dhana–wealth, [but] rakhi'–I left [them] samudra-balite–on the sand beside the ocean; ki–what ainu–have I come [here] dekhite–to see? nija matha khainu–I indulged my mind, [and now] prana-pakhi–the bird of my heart [is] udu udu–anxious to fly [away]. [3]

Your reddish feet are my life and wealth, but I left them on the sand beside the ocean; what have I come here to see? I indulged my mind, and now the bird of my heart is anxious to fly away.

yata chali' yaimana nahi chale
tabu yai jeda kari'
premera vivartaamare nachaya
na bujhiya ami mari [4]

yata–As far as chali' yai–I go on, [my] mana–heart chale nahi–does not proceed. tabu–Still, yai–I go on jeda kari'–stubbornly. vivarta–Transformations premera–of love amare nachaya–make me dance, [but] bujhiya na–not understanding [them,] ami–I mari–am dying. [4]

Although I go on, my heart does not. Still, I go on stubbornly ...Transformations of love make me dance, but, not understanding them, I am dying.

gaurangera rangabujhite narinu
padinu duhkha-sagare
ami chai yahanahi pai taha
mana ye kemana kare [5]

narinu–I could not bujhite–understand gaurangera–Gauranga's ranga–Pastimes, [and] padinu–I have fallen duhkha-sagare–into an ocean of sorrow. pai nahi–I do not get taha yaha–that which ami–I chai–want. ye kemana–How might mana kare–[my] heart act? [5]

Failing to understand Gauranga's Pastimes, I have fallen into an ocean of sorrow. I do not get what I want; what is my heart going to do now?

gaurangera tareprana dite yai
na haya marana tabu
mariba baliyapadiya samudre
khai matra habudubu [6]

yai–I go dite–to give [my] prana–life gaurangera tare–to Gauranga tabu–but marana haya na–I do not die. baliya–I decide mariba–I will die [and] padiya–I jump samudre–into the ocean [but] matra habudubu khai–I only flounder in the water. [6]

I go to give my life to Gauranga, but I do not die. I decide to die and jump into the ocean, but I only flounder in the water.

se chandra-vadanadekhibara lobhe
sighra uthi sindhu-tate
punah nahi dekhi'prana udi' yaya
chali punah tota-vate [7]

lobhe–Anxious dekhibara–to see se chandra-vadana–His moon-like face, sighra uthi–I quickly get up sindhu-tate–on the shore of the ocean. punah–Again, dekhi' nahi–not seeing [Him, my] prana–heart udi' yaya–flies [up, and] chali–I run punah tota-vate–back down the path to the garden. [7]

Anxious to see His moon-like face, I quickly return to the shore. Again, not seeing Him, my heart flies up, and I run back down the path to the garden.

gopinathanganedekhi' gora-mukha
padi achetana hana
pandita gosanimore lana rakhe
dekhi punah samjna pana [8]

dekhi'–Seeing gora-mukha–Gora's face gopinathangane–in the courtyard of Gopinath, achetana hana padi–I fell unconscious. pandita gosani–Gadadhar Pandit lana rakhe–took care more–of me, [and then] dekhi–I saw [that] samjna pana–I was conscious punah–again. [8]

Seeing Gora's face in the courtyard of Gopinath, I fell unconscious. Gadadhar Pandit took care of me, and then I saw that I was conscious again.

gaura gadadharabasiya dujane
balena amara katha
amani kandiyayai gadagadi
na vichari yatha tatha [9]

gaura gadadhara–Gaura and Gadadhar basiya–were sitting [and] dujane–the two of Them balena–where speaking amara katha–about me, [and] amani–all of a sudden kandiya–I [began to] cry [and] gadagadi yai–rolled on the ground, vichari na–not considering yatha tatha–here from there. [9]

Gaura and Gadadhar were sitting and speaking about me, and all of a sudden, I began to cry and roll on the ground, unaware of where I was.

ksaneka virahasahite na pari
gaura mora hrde nache
marite na deyavanchile kondala
kise mora prana vanche [10]

pari na–I cannot sahite–tolerate ksaneka–a moment viraha–of separation [as] gaura–Gaura nache–dances mora hrde–in my heart. deya na–He does not allow [me] marite–to die, [but] vanchile–when I live, kondala–we quarrel. kise–How [can] mora–my prana–heart vanche–live? [10]

I cannot tolerate a moment of separation as Gaura dances in my heart. He does not let me die, but when I live, we quarrel. How does my life go on?

hena avasthayagaura-pada chhadi'
mora vrndavane asa
e buddhi ha-ilakena nahi jani
iha-para-loka-nasa [11]

hena avasthaya–In this condition, chhadi'–I left gaura-pada–Gaura's feet [and] mora asa–came vrndavane–to Vrindavan. jani nahi–I do not know kena–why e buddhi ha-ila–this decision was made, [but now my] iha-para-loka-nasa–present and future [are] ruined. [11]

In this condition, I left Gaura's feet and came to Vrindavan. I do not know what made me do this, but now my present and future are ruined.

ajna la-inu yaiteajna na palile
tate haya aparadha
gorachanda-mukhana dekhiya mari
saba dike mora badha [12]

la-inu–I took ajna–permission yaite–to go, [and] palile na–if I don't act according [to this] ajna–permission, tate–then aparadha haya–I will commit an offence. [But] dekhiya na–not seeing gorachanna-mukha–Gorachand's face, mari–I am dying. mora badha–I have obstacles saba dike–in all directions! [12]

I took permission to go, and if I don't do so accordingly, I will commit an offence. But not seeing Gorachand's face, I am dying; there are obstacles all around me!

gora-prema yarasankata tahara
prana lana tanatani
gadadhara-ganeei ta' durdasa
sabe kare kanakani [13]

tahara yara–Those who have gora-prema–love for Gora [undergo] sankata–distress. [That love] prana lana tanatani–pulls [their] hearts in opposite directions [simultaneously]. sabe–Everyone kanakani kare–whispers [that] ei ta'–this [is] durdasa–the miserable state gadadhara-gane–of Gadadhar's associates. [13]

Those who have love for Gora undergo distress: that love pulls their hearts in opposite directions simultaneously. Everyone whispers that this is the miserable state of Gadadhar's associates.

 

⇐ CHAPTER TWELVE:
"Glories of the Vaishnavas"

CHAPTER FOURTEEN:
"Contradictory Transformations" ⇒

 

CONTENTS:

Translator's Note
Introduction
In Praise of Sri Sri Prema-vivarta
Sri Sri Prema-vivarta:
1 Invocation of Auspiciousness
2 The Composition of this Book
3 First Obeisances
4 Gaura's Greatness
5 Transformations of Ecstasy in Service
6 The Journey of the Soul
7 The Name is for Everyone
8 Give up Deceit
9 Proper Renunciation
10 Caste and Class
11 The Light of Nabadwip
12 Glories of the Vaisnavas
13 Eagerness to see Sri Gaura
14 Contradictory Transformations
15 Morning Pastimes in Nabadwip
16 What is Love?
17 Different Practices for Different Devotees
18 Sri Ekadasi
19 A Collection of Hidden Truths about the Name
20 The Glories of the Name
+ The Ten Offences to the Holy Name
+ Glossary

"HUMILITY, TOLERANCE, GIVING HONOUR TO OTHERS | HUMILITY, TOLERANCE, GIVING HONOUR TO OTHERS"