Greatest Sorrow

His Divine Grace
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj,
Sri Nabadwip Dham, 31 March 2010, part 1

Jay Srila Guru Maharaj ki jay.

You know about Sri Ramananda Ray's conception and his conversation with Mahaprabhu. Mahaprabhu asked Ramananda Ray, "What is the greatest sorrow in our life?" Sri Ramananda Ray replied, "Bhakta-viraha bina duhkha nahi dekhi para (কৃষ্ণভক্ত-বিরহ বিনা দুঃখ নাহি দেখি পর): I cannot see any other sorrow except that of separation from a devotee." When we lose some devotees, when we lose our Gurudev, this is the most painful in our life. Before, we could only read about it, and we could not even imagine it, but now we can understand what it is like. Before, we did not even think about it, but now we can understand what is sorrow and what is the greatest sadness.

I do not remember in my life that tears had ever fallen from my eyes before. Even when I heard that my mother had left, I never cried. When she left, I heard about it one month later, and I told about it to Gurudev. Gurudev said, "OK, what can you do?" I heard about it only one month later. Yet what can I say now? "There is no other sorrow except that of separation from a devotee." When any of our devotees leave, we feel pain... I have heard that when our Jagad-Guru Srila Prabhupad left, our Param Gurudev, Srila B.R. Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj, did not come out of his room for three days—he stayed in his room and did not speak to anyone.

You have also heard about Srila Haridas Thakur's disappearance (niryan). Moreover, when Srila Svarup Damodar left, Srila Raghunath Das Goswami left Puri and set off walking to Vrindavan—he was walking to Vrindavan, crying and crying all the way. Actually, he wanted to commit suicide, thinking, "My Guru has left. What for will I live here in this world?" [Later, he met with Srila Rupa Goswami and Srila Sanatan Goswami, and their association made him change his mind, and he stayed with them.]

We have seen this here also. I had a friend in Devananda Gaudiya Math—he was a very great and good devotee. His name was Sri Govinda Maharaj. He was almost my age, a little younger (at that time, he was forty years old). He mostly stayed in Siliguri and did much service (he did a lot of collection) there, at Sri Devananda Gaudiya Math temple. His Gurudev, Pujyapad Bhaktivedanta Vaman Maharaj (from Sri Devananda Gaudiya Math) loved Govinda Maharaj very much. Although there are many centres of Sri Devananda Gaudiya Math all over India, Pujyapad Vaman Maharaj often stayed in Siliguri together with his dearest servitor and disciple—he would stay there for at least six-seven months because Govinda Maharaj was there. He did not declare Govinda Maharaj the next acharya, but Govinda Maharaj was his dearmost disciple, and Govinda Maharaj also loved his Gurudev very much. When his Gurudev (Pujyapad Vaman Maharaj) left his body here in Nabadwip, Govinda Maharaj left Siliguri and came back here to Nabadwip. I went to the festival and saw him at that time. After Pujyapad Vaman Maharaj's disappearance, there was a festival three days later, and Govinda Maharaj did much service during the festival (gave lectures, etc.). When the festival finished, he went his room to sleep, and he never came out. It was not a suicide, but he went to sleep and did not wake up. They found him the next day... His feeling of separation was like that.

Some cannot tolerate this kind of separation. Just as in Mahaprabhu's pastimes, Mahaprabhu could not tolerate the separation from Srila Haridas Thakur...

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