(2/4) Internal Inconsistencies

His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj
Divine Appearance Day, Sri Vyasa Puja
Kolkata—West London, 17 October 2020, part 2

We are always making mistakes because there is some kind of asurik pravritti, demoniac mentality, always working in our hearts. Sometimes we do not have proper tolerance, but if we hear how much torture Prahlad Maharaj tolerated from his father, Hiranyakasipu, then we can understand that we have not got this kind of austerity in our lives. We think there is too much austerity, too many problems in our lives, so we run away, but this is not so. When I see Mahabharata and how much austerity the Pancha-pandavas got just because of a kingdom and when I see in Srimad Bhagavatam how much austerity Prahlad Maharaj got from his father, then I realise that we have not got any austerity at all compared to them.

Actually, I was born in a very low family where it is not part of culture to celebrate any 'happy birthday', or any birthday at all. That is why I am getting shy now when devotees say 'happy birthday' to me and make big festivals to celebrate it. When I see the mirror, I see that some hairs are looking white, so I am thinking that I am slowly, slowly becoming old. But my mind is not becoming old; my mind is always young. Only when I come to put tilaks, I see that my hair is going white. That is shy I always want to shave my head because there are many white hairs, and I do not like to see it. So, at this age in my life, all the devotees, all my affectionate brothers and sisters are making me 'happy birthday'. Happy birthday! [His Diving Grace chuckles.] Actually, I have never seen happy birthdays before.

When I joined Chaitanya Saraswat Math, Gurudev's godbrothers made 'Acharya abhivandan mahotsav' ['abhivandan' means 'greetings', 'paying respect'; the word is used for many general festivals, showing no transcendental glory of the acharya]. But when I got invitations from other Mayapur acharyas, I saw that they wrote 'Vyasa Puja' or 'Sri Guru Puja' maha-mahotsav. So, I thought, 'Why are they doing "acharya abhivandan mahotsav"? I will also make Guru Puja and Vyasa Puja maha-mahotsav!' So, on the next appearance day of Gurudev, in 1992, I made the invitation letters and write, 'Guru Puja maha-mahotsav'. It was the first Vyasa Puja of Gurudev. When I showed the invitation letters to Gurudev, there was some mistake; Gurudev corrected me, and I was very happy.

I also decorated Gurudev's house and the temple with many lights and arranged other things. Gurudev heard that his appearance day was being celebrated very gorgeously. I also invited many Indian disciples of Gurudev and Guru Maharaj, quite a few western devotees also came, and there were also many other people. On the evening of the adhivas day, Gurudev went around the temple to see lights and other arrangements. Everything was fine and clean, the temple was all clean, and Gurudev was very happy. After checking everything, Gurudev went back to his room, and I went to join the evening arati. I sang at the two aratis, and after the Tulasi parikrama finished, I went to pay obeisance to Gurudev. When I came, I saw that Gurudev was a little upset. He told me, 'Vinod, why are you spending so much money on this festival? Why did you not paint my room black? Why did you paint my room and building white?' I was surprised, 'Why is Gurudev is saying like that?' Later I heard what had happend. When Gurudev went to his veranda, one of his godbrothers told him, 'Vinod is spending very much money. Why did he paint your room again? Why was it necessary?' Gurudev was happy with the painting, but his godbrother was envious, that is why Gurudev told me those things. But his chastisement actually showed that he was supporting me. It was in 1992. I understood later why Gurudev chastised me. He showed that he was very upset, 'Why did you not put some ugly black paint on my building? Why did you paint it white?' Later, Gurudev also told me, 'There are many people under the sun who like to criticise others.' Some of his godbrothes were also like that, and it gives me very much pain. They do this because they are envious of Gurudev. Do you understand what I am saying?

People can sometimes have envy inside them. This is actually a demoniac mentality (asurik pravritti). We say humbly that every jiva soul is part of the Lord (Lord Krishna resides in every living entity), but sometimes, along with the Lord, there can also be some bad thoughts, some enviousness, some demon, or devil, working in our hearts. That is a big problem. These things depend upon one's devotion and faith. Do you understand it? That kind of quality depends upon one's faith, depends upon one's nature.

Gurudev taught me in such situations. I made festivals all the time, and Gurudev always warned me, 'Be careful. You have invited sannyasis, brahmacharis and many people, and you must give good prasadam for them. You must give good respect to them.' This is what Gurudev always taught me, and I learned from Gurudev how to serve Vaishnavs. 'Chhadiya vaisnava-seva nistara payechhe keba (ছাড়িয়া বৈষ্ণব-সেবা নিস্তার পায়েছে কেবা): Without service to Vaishnavs, you cannot get any relief.'

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READ OTHER PARTS:

1) Enriched with Service
2) Internal Inconsistencies
3) Big Temple Is Not All
4) Servitor's Pride