(1/2) 'I Cannot Forget This Day'

His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj
Disappearance festival, Tarakeshwar
16 April 2019, morning, part 1
Translated from Bengali

...I will try to tell you about the days when Gurudev was present here, about the pain of losing Gurudev... I was used to always calling Gurudev and telling him everything, whatever good or bad things I had to say... If I had any problem, if there was any kind of critical situation, I always tried to consult him. The day when Gurudev left, I lost that possibility. Whenever there was any problem or I needed to consult him, I would call him or come and speak face to face. It was like a helping hand, like guardian's advice for me. But I am thinking that I lost all this the day Gurudev left... Still, I am trying to serve him, I am trying to make myself happy by serving devotees.

I try to forget that day, and I try to keep myself happy by serving him. The day when Gurudev left is a very bad day in my life. It is a separation day, the day when I lost my dearmost, my beloved Gurudev. His love, his affection, his care are impossible to describe. He was more affectionate than a father. But I lost him almost 10 years ago now. Placing all his burden on my shoulders, he left on this day... And we are now gathered here today to remember that day.

This day is very painful for me. In happy or unhappy times, he was always with me. I always received help and advice from him. I did not feel any fear towards him. Many devotees were afraid to go to Gurudev, but I have never felt any fear. I always went to him unobstructed, and I could tell him everything without any hesitation, and I always knew that I had somebody. But now I have lost this person... This day gives me very much pain. Those who do not have a relationship with their gurudev cannot understand this. They can never understand the pain of losing one's guru... Only those who have a relationship with gurudev can understand this pain of losing one's guru.

We mostly forge only bodily relationships in this world, but when it comes to the relationship with your guru, this is something of the heart – that attraction, that pull comes from the heart (this is not some bodily attraction). The real attraction comes from the heart. Gurudev is my dearest person, my most worshippable person, my closest friend. This is whom I lost almost ten years ago...

Leaving all the problems on my shoulders, he left this world. Receiving his blessings, I have arranged for temples in various places, and as I continued serving his devotees, my life has now almost come to an end. Gurudev is affectionately keeping me here for his service. No matter how much I try to leave this world, he always stops me with service. He controls, he checks me with service. But still, I can never forget this separation from my Gurupadpadma and the pain of his leaving this world...

We sing Gurudev's arati kirtan extolling his glories:

জয় জয় গুরুদেবের আরতি উজ্জ্বল ।
গোবর্দ্ধন-পাদপীঠে ভুবন-মঙ্গল ॥

jaya jaya gurudevera arati ujjvala
govardhana-pada-pithe bhuvana-mangala

Glory, glory to the effulgent arati of Srila Gurudev that takes place at the holy foothill of Govardhan, spreading benediction for the whole world!

শ্রীভক্তিসুন্দর দেব প্রভু শিরোমণি ।
গোস্বামী গোবিন্দ জয় আনন্দের খনি ॥

sri-bhakti-sundara deva prabhu siromani
gosvami govinda jaya anandera khani

Glory to Sri Bhakti Sundar Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj, our Lord, Master, crest-jewel and a mine of joy.

When will this day be ours? When will we feel anxious to serve our Gurudev? When will we be able to serve Gurudev with all sincerity and chastity? This is what we should always pray for...

— : • : —

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Size: 29 Mb
Length: 60 min
Language: Bengali

READ OTHER PARTS:

1) 'I Cannot Forget This Day'
2) Who Is Gurudev?