Fatal Procrastination

His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj
Two days before Srila B.S. Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj's Vyasa Puja
Nrisingha Palli, 30 December 2020, evening, part 3

গুরুদেব!
বড় কৃপা করি’, গৌড়বন-মাঝে
গোদ্রুমে দিয়াছ স্থান ।
আজ্ঞা দিল মোরে, এই ব্রজে বসি’,
হরিনাম কর গান ॥১॥

gurudeva!
bada krpa kari', gauda-vana-majhe
godrume diyachha sthana
ajna dila more, ei vraje vasi',
harinama kara gana

Gurudev! You have very mercifully given me a place in Sri Godrumdwip amid the forests of Gauda, and ordered me: "Reside in this abode which is non-different from Vraja and chant the Lord's Name."

কিন্তু কবে প্রভো, যোগ্যতা অর্পিবে,
এ দাসেরে দয়া করি’ ।
চিত্ত স্থির হবে, সকল সহিব,
একান্তে ভজিব হরি ॥২॥

kintu kabe prabho, yogyata arpibe,
e dasere daya kari'
chitta sthira habe, sakala sahiba,
ekante bhajiba hari [2]

But when, O master, will you mercifully grant this servant the qualification to do this? Then my heart will become steadfast, I will tolerate everything, and I will serve the Lord sincerely.

You must pray to Gurudev every day, "Gurudev, when will my heart become steady? My mind, my heart are always fickle! My mind never knows any peace. When will I be able to tolerate everything? Sadness, austerity, pain, suffering—come what may, I will never leave you. Whatever comes in my life, even if I die, I will never leave your lotus feet!" We must understand this. "My heart will become steady, I will be able to tolerate everything, and I will worship you with exclusively." When will my mind become good? My mind is always fickle, and I cannot tolerate so many things.

It is written so beautifully.

শৈশব-যৌবনে, জড়সুখ-সঙ্গে,
অভ্যাস হইল মন্দ ।
নিজকর্ম্ম-দোষে, এ দেহ হইল,
ভজনের প্রতিবন্ধ ॥৩॥

saisava-yauvane, jada-sukha-sange,
abhyasa ha-ila manda
nija-karma-dose, e deha ha-ila,
bhajanera pratibandha [3]

In my childhood and youth, I always indulged in material happiness and I have become habituated to bad things. Because of my own sins, this body has become an impediment to spiritual practice.

People say, "Come on! To practise Krishna consciousness at this young age? No way!" What does it say here though? "Saisava-yauvane, jada-sukha-sange, abhyasa ha-ila manda." When we were young, we did not practise Krishna consciousness, and our mind went in a bad direction. How many things we did! If you do not come to Krishna consciousness in your youth—if you come in your old age, you will not be able to do service. You will feel all sorts of aches and pains in your back, legs, arms, etc. and will not be able to do anything. The Lord does not like this. Yet if you come to Krishna consciousness in your young age, you can do so much—you can work much more. In your old age, you will not even be able to chant so much on your mala—your hands will pain. You will not even be able to take prasadam—you will eat and always suffer from gas. You will have headaches, your legs will ache, your eyes will not see, your ears will not hear. The other day, an old person came to me and asked, "Maharaj, I do not understand kirtans. What should I do?" I said, "What will you do now in your old age? If I tell you to read a book, you will not be able to do it..."

We enjoy with material happiness during our youth—we enjoy with food, money, wife, family... This is how we end up being unable to practise with this body: this body has become an obstacle for practising Krishna consciousness...

বার্দ্ধক্যে এখন, পঞ্চরোগে হত,
কেমনে ভজিব বল’ ।
কাঁদিয়া কাঁদিয়া, তোমার চরণে
পড়িয়াছি সুবিহ্বল ॥৪॥

vardhakye ekhana, pancha-roge hata,
kemane bhajiba bala'
kandiya kandiya, tomara charane
padiyachhi suvihvala [4]

Now aged, I am afflicted by five-fold diseases. Tell me, how shall I serve? Crying incessantly, I have fallen at your feet, utterly bewildered.

In our old age, we become sick with five diseases. These five diseases are described in the (Bengali) calendars. If you read it, it is good for you. (1) Avidya (ignorance)—everything else except service to the Lord (except Krishna consciousness) is ignorance. It means forgetting that I am a jiva soul, an eternal servant of Lord Krishna: this here is body, and the thing in me which makes the body speak and do everything is the soul. People think that this body and the soul is one and the same thing. Great scientists are inventing a vaccine against the coronavirus, but they cannot even invent a grain of wheat—they cannot give life. If you cut somebody's neck and try to put it back together, it is not possible—life is already gone. All this is forgetfulness and ignorance, avidya. (2) Asmita means identifying yourself with the gross material body. People say, "This is my house," "This is my room," "This is my wife," "This is my family," etc. (3) Raga means material attachment and love for the body and material world. (4) Dvesa means desiring that which is unfavourable to devotion. (5) Abhinives means not being able to give up such desires (a lack of tolerance).

So, Srila Bhaktivinod Thakur is saying, "Now, in old age, I am overcome by five diseases, how will I practise Krishna consciousness?..."

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