(6/13) Clear Identity

His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj
Sri Vyasa Puja of Srila B.S. Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj
Sri Nrisingha Palli, evening class
1 January 2021, part 6, translated from Bengali

You must practise Krishna consciousness. Wives, sons, friends and everyone else are all your body-family – all of them are temporary. The problem is that we do not even know our own identities. Somebody is proud, ‘Oh, I am a brahmachari!’ but Mahaprabhu says:

নাহং বিপ্রো ন চ নরপতির্নাপি বৈশ্যো ন শূদ্রো
নাহং বর্ণী ন চ গৃহপতির্নো বনস্থো যতির্বা ।
কিন্তু প্রোদ্যন্নিখিলপরমানন্দপূর্ণামৃতাব্ধে-
র্গোপীভর্ত্তুঃ পদকমলয়োর্দাসদাসানুদাসঃ ॥

naham vipro na cha nara-patir napi vaisyo na sudro
naham varni na cha grha-patir no vanastho yatir va
kintu prodyan-nikhila-paramananda-purnamrtabdher
gopi-bhartuh pada-kamalayor dasa-dasanudasah

‘I am not a brahman, not a ksatriya, not a vaisya, not a sudra; neither am I a brahmachari, a householder, a vanaprastha or a sannyasi. I identify Myself as a servant of the servant of the servant of the lotus feet of Lord Sri Krishna, who is the beloved of gopis, an ocean of nectar, eternally self-effulgent (self-manifest) and filled with the entire scope of all possible highest ecstasy.’

(Sri Chaitanya-charitamrita, 2.13.80)

Mahaprabhu says, ‘I am not a brahmachari or a sannyasi, I am not a ksatriya, a vaisya or anything else. Who am I? I am a servant of the servants of the servants of the servants of the Lord.’ But we do not even have the ego of our true identities (atma-abhiman)…

So, somebody claims, ‘I am a brahmachari,’ pointing at their clothes, showing that they are a brahmachari, but anyone can put on brahmachari clothes – I can give somebody saffron clothes today and they will wear it, but does it mean that the person has become a brahmachari? Our identities do not depend on our clothes! Our identities are not based on any external varna (brahmachari, grihastha, vanaprastha, sannyasi) – our identities are based on how we behave and what we practise.

Once, a devotee asked another devotee, ‘Prabhu, you are washing the dishes in the winter without wearing any warm clothes, do you not feel cold?’ He brushed him off, ‘No! I am a Vaishnav! Why would I feel cold?’ The first devotee told me about it later, adding, ‘I guess his head has gone too cold, that is why he is not thinking straight.’ What to do? The person is a little crazy. If you think that because you are a Vaishnav you do not need to wear warm clothes, then so many have come here wearing warm clothes – does it mean that none of them is a Vaishnav? Besides, we never consider ourselves Vaishnavs. A Vaishnav will never call himself a Vaishnav. The degree of one’s vaisnavata (Vaishnav nature, or qualities) is measured by the person’s humility:

তৃণাদপি সুনীচেন তরোরিব সহিষ্ণুনা ।
অমানিনা মানদেন কীর্ত্তনীয়ঃ সদা হরিঃ ॥

trnad api sunichena taror api sahisnuna
amanina manadena kirtaniyah sada harih

‘One who is humbler than a blade of grass, more tolerant than a tree and who gives honour to others without desiring it for themselves is qualified to always chant the Holy Name of Krishna.’

(Sri Chaitanya-charitamrita, 3.6.239)

'আমি ত' বৈষ্ণব', এ বুদ্ধি হইলে
অমানী না হ'ব আমি ।

‘ami ta vaisnava’, e buddhi haile,
amani na ha’ba ami

‘If I think, “I am a Vaishnav,” then I will never stop desiring honour.’

(Sri Kalyan-kalpataru, Srila Bhaktivinod Thakur)

If you get this idea that you are a Vaishnav, then you will not stop desiring respect for yourself. The other day, ** Prabhu called me. He said, ‘Dandavat, this is ** Prabhu speaking.’ Do you know what Gurudev replied once when somebody said that to him? When a devotee phoned him and said, ‘Gurudev, this is ** Prabhu speaking,’ Gurudev said, ‘Yes, Prabhu, dandavat. This is your servant, Gobe, speaking.’ [‘Gobe’ is an extremely informal variant of the name ‘Govinda’; Srila Gurudev sometimes used this name in his intimate relationship with Srila Guru Maharaj, saying, ‘I am your Gobe.’] Gurudev thought, ‘Everybody calls me Govinda Maharaj now, but I know that if Guru Maharaj had not given me sannyas and made me the acharya, then I would still be living in Bamunpara as simple Gobe.’

Another time, a devotee from Govardhan told me that he was going to visit his house to give some money to his family. I asked him, ‘It is lockdown time now, where have you got that money from?’ He said, ‘Some temples invited me for festivals, and when I went there, they gave me some donation, but what will I do with that money? So, I want to give it to my family.’ I told him, ‘Oh really? You do not know what to do with donations, so you send that money to your house?’ Gurudev once said very strong words – I did not tell about it today in front of everybody. You know that Gurudev got married and lived with his family during some time. Referring to that time, Gurudev said, ‘I passed stool behind closed doors, but many of the sannyasis and brahmacharis live at the temple and pass stool in the open.’ These are Gurudev’s words. Do you understand what these words mean? There are many brahmacharis and sannyasis living at the temple, and when they pass stool, they do it in the open, in front of everyone. I heard it from Gurudev’s mouth. He said, ‘Many criticised me for leaving the temple, giving up sannyas and getting married. Yes, I did that and left, but these brahmacharis and sannyasis continue wearing saffron clothes and keep women in their rooms!’ Externally, they show themselves as sannyasis and brahmacharis, but they keep ladies. That is why Gurudev said, ‘I passed stool behind closed doors, and when they pass it, they do it in the open, but does anyone see that?’

Many of you did not hear what Gurudev said, but I heard it from him directly. He told me a few things, and I remembered everything. Not everyone can remember it, and it is also not possible to tell such things in front of everyone, but such was my Gurudev. He did not spare anyone.

He taught me many things – how to serve, how to cook, how to serve the Lord, how to offer the bhoga, and so on. You can see how those who are staying near me are serving. When I chant kirtan and feel thirsty, I do not even have to say that I need water – they can understand that I am thirsty and give me water themselves. How they serve! For example, my sikha has grown very long, but I cannot comb it myself, so Kamalendu Prabhu combs it for me.

I take thirty pills every day. Did you know about it? But if you look at me, you will never think that I am not well. I have a very strong mind. But when doctors prescribe some medicine, I have to take it. Gurudev also took medicine. Actually, Gurudev has given me everything – he gave me his mercy, and he also gave me all the diseases that he had. When Gurudev saw my hand, he said, ‘You are very restless, you are prone to have diabetes.’ Gurudev said that, and it happened – eventually, I got diabetes, and so many other things came also. Despite many health problems, I can still write and read without glasses. Sometimes, I cannot see things far clearly, and doctors told me to wear glasses, but I cannot wear them all the time – I get annoyed when there is something on my face all the time. I had a little weak sight even when I was in college, forty years ago, but I do not wear glasses to this day. Sometimes during the arati, I feel I cannot see clearly, then I can put on the glasses, otherwise not. I can see well when I read or write; there is only some difficulty when I have to see far. I have -1.25, and the doctor said, ‘You are now over sixty, you should wear glasses.’ Sometimes, I wear them (for example, when I am in the car), but I do not wear glasses all the time. You know, they wanted to get me glasses that cost 200,000, but if I wear such expensive glasses, people will say, ‘Look at this sadhu! He is wearing 200,000-rupee glasses!’ Not everybody can understand this, but many can. When I walk in Kolkata, people stare at my shoes, and I understand that they recognise that my shoes are very expensive. What am I to do? I did not have other shoes – my shoes were stolen, so I wear whatever I am given…

— : • : —

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Size: 39 Mb
Length: 80 min
Language: Bengali

READ OTHER PARTS:

1) Know and Love the Lord
2) Develop Deepest Dedication
3) At Lord's Home
4) Pure Preacher's Position
5) Clear Vision
6) Clear Identity
7) Sustaining Yourself on Gurudev's Words
8) Internal Purity
9) Kirtan-Yajna
10) Give Up Illusory Luxuries
11) Who Will You Blame?
12) Analysis Is Paralysis
13) Western Idiosyncrasies