Sustaining Yourself on Gurudev's Words

His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj
Sri Vyasa Puja of Srila B.S. Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj
Sri Nrisingha Palli, evening class
1 January 2021, part 7, translated from Bengali

Gurudev has given me a lot, Gurudev has given me much mercy, that is why I am telling all these things to you also so that you can also serve Gurudev and the Lord like that. I always stayed as a chatak bird (always waiting anxiously, intently for a drop of mercy, for any service) in my own service to Gurudev. Even when I went to the bathroom, I would keep my mobile phone at a small shelf where soap was kept. I always thought, "When will Gurudev call me? When will Gurudev give some news?" I always waited for his call.

Gurudev explained to me what my service was and what was not my service. He never let me climb the temple, he said, "You must not do puja." He told me how to cook, but he told me not to go to the kitchen to cook myself. He told me never to drive a motorcycle and never to take a gun in my hand because I can become hot-headed and harm others. He told me, "Never get the gun license." So, I always remember this and follow what Gurudev told me. I have told some others to get a license, but I myself never got it. I have never driven a motorcycle. I have been following what Gurudev told me to a T.

There are many things that Gurudev said, he had a great vision and could see so much. His behaviour was always candid, genuine. He always spoke very sweetly. When nobody came to speak about anything in particular, he was very grave and spoke little, but when he started speaking, he spoke very happily and very long. To this day, I feel happy remembering his words. If Gurudev had not given his mercy, I would have left a long time ago, but because Gurudev gave his mercy, I am still alive and can sit here in front of you, speaking about the Lord. This is my great fortune. I am a beggar, so please give me these alms: wherever I may go, you must always live following this spiritual line (siddhanta), and please bless me so that I may have devotion to Krishna. On the other hand, I am also telling you: please continue all together. "Krishna bolo, sange chala, ei matra bhiksa chai—I am begging you for one thing only: come with us and chant the Holy Name of Krishna!" Please stay all together, then we will all be able to get out of this illusory prison and reach the Lord. We are living now in this prison of the illusory environment, and we keep falling into the wicked, material environment:

amara jivana sada pape rata
nahika punyera lesa
parere udvega diyachhi ye kata
diyachhi jivere klesa [1]

My life is always engrossed in sin. There is not a trace of piety in it. I have caused others so much anxiety and trouble.

nija sukha lagi' pape nahi dari
daya-hina svartha-para
para-sukhe duhkhi sada mithya-bhasi
para-duhkha sukha-kara [2]

I am never afraid to engage in sinful activities for the sake of my own happiness. I am merciless and selfish. I am a perpetual liar. I am saddened by the happiness of others and pleased by the sadness of others.

asesa kamana hrdi majhe mora
krodhi, dambha-parayana
mada-matta sada visaye mohita
himsa-garva vibhusana [3]

There are unlimited sinful desires within the core of my heart. I am angry and arrogant, always maddened with vanity, infatuated with mundanity, and malice and pride are my ornaments.

nidralasya hata sukarye virata
akarye udyogi ami
pratistha lagiya sathya-acharana
lobha-hata sada kami [4]

I am subdued by laziness and sleep, averse to performing good deeds, and eager to perform sinful deeds. I engage in deceitful behaviour in pursuit of prestige. I am ruined by greed and constantly covetous.

e hena durjana sajjana-varjita
aparadhi nirantara
subha-karya-sunya sadanartha-manah
nanaduhkhe jara jara [5]

Such a sinner as I is shunned by devotees, and is a constant offender. I am devoid of virtuous motives, always intent upon evil, and racked by various miseries.

vardhakye ekhana upaya-vihina
ta'te dina akinchana
bhakati-vinoda prabhura charane
kare duhkha nivedana [6]

Now aged, I am devoid of any means of deliverance and thus destitute and distressed. Bhakti Vinod submits this remorseful confession at the Lord's feet.

This is my prayer to you all. Always practise Krishna consciousness, then you will be all right.

Jay Srila Guru Maharaj ki jay.

Let us sing now a few kirtans. I will not sing much today, only one-two.

[His Divine Grace then chants 'Sri Guru-charana-padma', 'Krpa kara Vaishnava Thakura', 'Nitai-guna-mani', 'Emona durmati', and 'Gaya Gaura madhur svare' and continues the class.]

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