"My Life Is for My Gurudev"

His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj
Kolkata—Worldwide, 28 February 2021, part 7

There are some devotees who are helping, who have sent some donation to buy the land for the Prasadam Hall, but obviously I do not always mention their names...

I remember many years ago, when Gurudev left this world and gave the charge for the temple into my hands, some sannyasi told the Venezuelan leader not to give any money to Acharya Maharaj. That is one of the reasons why I do not tell any names, why I always try to hide the names of the devotees who give donations. I do not tell their names publicly because there some jealous persons who will try to create some confusion. This is like chanachur (Indian spicy snack, like crisps)—all these rumours, confusion, etc. may taste nice, but it will not fill your stomach. Do you understand what I am saying? There are people who like to hear such gossips and like to speak about such gossips...

That is why I do not want to tell the names of the devotees who are helping me. Who is giving, who is not giving—I do not tell their names publicly because those who have less faith will be attacked by others. It is also not necessary to want to know who says like that.

All I can say is that I left Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math empty-handed, I had zero. Somebody says that I do not serve Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math anymore, somebody does not help Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math anymore, but Gurudev's mercy is always with me—I can understand the meaning of what Gurudev told me before, "One door will close, but another one will open." So, it is not a problem for me. I know some devotees from Ireland say things like that because they have been brain-washed, and I know by whom. I do not want to complain against anyone, all I know is that I always ask them to please forgive my offence.

I am a very naughty, a very bad boy, but it is not my fault that Gurudev has chosen me. If you can see why he has chosen me, you will understand. At the same time, it is Gurudev's will, he can do whatever he pleases, he is independent and can do anything he wants—I can be a crow and he can make me Garuda; I am his goat, and he can cut my tail or my head... I want to serve devotees, I have never wanted to be a guru. Gurudev has given me this service in this life, that is why I sometimes give initiations, but when I give somebody initiation, it does not mean I am giving somebody my mercy, on the contrary, they come to give mercy to me. I want to be their servant, and they come and give me an opportunity to be a disciple. That is why I always tell everyone—please respect everybody, please give honour to everybody.

But for the help of the devotees, how would I be able to buy the land in Mayapur and do all the other services? Those who stayed close to Gurudev know better than me whether Gurudev gave me any money or not because they lived near him whereas I did not—I was always far, and Gurudev bestowed only mercy on me. Sometimes they say that Gurudev must have given me a lot of money, this is how I am able to do so much construction, and in one way it is true, Gurudev has given me money—through the devotees. So many devotees are helping me despite this pandemic situation. Even though I did not go abroad, I did not go on collection here in India also, so many foreign devotees are helping me to buy the land and build the guesthouse, build the Prasadam Hall, etc.

I do not want to mention everyone's names one by one because it is not good for them also, but what I want to say is that I want to serve you all, I want to engage you all in service, and even if one rupee comes to me from you, I want to use that rupee for the service to the devotees, for the service to my Gurudev, for the service to the Deities and the temple. If you did not help, how would so many temples have expanded, how would so many devotees have appeared after Gurudev left?

Whatever was the situation, I did not run away. So many things happened, I even risked my life, everything, but I know that my life is not for me—my life is for my Gurudev, for the devotees. If I run away with my life, what is this? I have never run away and I never will. They wanted to kill me, and I almost died—the doctors said, "It is a miracle that you are alive now. When this disease happens, only one in a hundred thousand patients may stay alive!" Such was my condition, but by the will of all the devotees, by the will of Gurudev I am still alive—I am talking to you all, I am preaching, I am making parikramas, I am walking miles and miles. This all is only the mercy of the devotees, the mercy of Guru, Vaishnavs, and Bhagavan. All the senior devotees—Srila Ashram Maharaj, Srila Janaradan Maharaj, all of my Guru-varga, and so many of my godbrothers and godsisters also—are all here, and they are giving so much mercy and support to me. Owing to their support I am still alive.

You are all my family. I do not know my biological family, I have not met them for more than thirty or thirty-five years. Not only that, after I came to Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math and took sannyas, they actually did a sraddha (funeral) ceremony for me at the house in my birthplace. Yet I am still alive and I am with you all because I live for the devotees and you also live for me and for Gurudev's service.

I would like to finish for today. Please forgive my offence. I will try to meet with you all next Sunday. I may be in the preaching field on that day, but anyhow I will make time for you all next Sunday.

Jay Srila Guru Maharaj ki jay

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