Srila Guru Maharaj's Disappearance

Four or five days before Srila Guru Maharaj left this world, there was a very big earthquake early in the morning. It broke a wall of Srila Guru Maharaj's building and shook the temple also.

Every day I would go to Srila Guru Maharaj at three o'clock in the morning. That day I also went there at three. When Srila Guru Maharaj woke up, he would go outside his room, and I would give him some hot Bournvita [a malt energy drink] or something like that. When I came to Srila Guru Maharaj that morning, he was a little quiet, so I went out of his room. August is usually a very hot time of the year, so Srila Guru Maharaj always had the air conditioner on in his room. Not being able to tolerate air conditioners, I usually went to Srila Guru Maharaj's room, checked everything and then came out – I stayed outside his room, sitting in a chair.

Suddenly that morning I felt my chair shaking. I thought it was Srila Guru Maharaj's servitor doing it. I turned round and saw that nobody was there. Then, the servitor came out and I asked him, 'What is happening??' He said, 'Maharaj, it is an earthquake.' I looked at the temple and saw the temple trembling, too. Seeing this, I became very upset. I told Srila Guru Maharaj's servitor, 'Guru Maharaj must leave within seven days...'

There was no hope.

But what shall we do? Whatever the will of Srila Guru Maharaj and Krishna is, that is what is going to happen. I also saw that Srila Guru Maharaj did not want to stay in this world. He had told it many times. Perhaps, two years before that, Srila Guru Maharaj said, 'Leave me! Please leave me!' And last time when Srila Guru Maharaj felt very uneasy because of his health, I thought, 'What is going to happen now? I know that Srila Guru Maharaj is my power – if he is here, nobody can say anything about me or this Math.' That is why I always wanted Srila Guru Maharaj to stay, and I had always been trying to serve Srila Guru Maharaj so that he would stay. But when that earthquake happened, I thought, 'We can be in a dangerous position, but at least Guru Maharaj will be happy. Now that this earthquake has come, Guru Maharaj will definitely not stay much longer...'

There was a mango tree at the place where Srila Guru Maharaj's samadhi is now. Srila Guru Maharaj left his body at 5:48 a.m. in the morning, and right before that, at 4 a.m. the mango tree suddenly shed all its leaves. Srila Guru Maharaj left, and the mango tree left, too.

So many things happened...

After Srila Guru Maharaj left, there was another earthquake three days later. When it happened, we thought, 'Some disturbance must come in our sampradaya.' Everything was very quiet at first, but after, perhaps, one month many things started happening...

Perhaps, it was 1986. When Srila Guru Maharaj was very sick again, I asked him, 'Maharaj, please give your order – what shall I do if anything happens to you?' Srila Guru Maharaj smiled and said, 'You can do as you like.' Then everybody was happy. Otherwise, if we were to burn Srila Guru Maharaj's, it would have been very painful – he is a great soul (mahapurusa).

This is how I learned something. Srila Guru Maharaj is not mundane, and his body is not mundane, but when he showed that he considered himself mundane, he said, 'Just burn my body!' It was about 1982 or so. At that time, Srila Guru Maharaj took to a middle line, but in 1986 he finally confirmed our understanding that his body was not mundane, that it was transcendental. Srila Guru Maharaj never told a lie, he always told the truth. So, after giving it some thought, he told us, 'Now I am content. I understand my body's position, so you can do as you like.' Hearing this, I was very satisfied and everybody else was also satisfied.

But when it came closer to Srila Guru Maharaj's last time, I started thinking that I did not know how to give samadhi. I had no experience of it. I did not go anywhere any time – I always stayed with Srila Guru Maharaj's lotus feet and with his order. I only did what he told me to do. So, I did not go to any temples. I had received several invitations from various places when some mahanta (great soul) disappeared. There were great temple presidents, secretaries and big Vaishnavs who disappeared, but I did not go anywhere myself, I always sent somebody instead. I was also not enthusiastic to see all that. That is why I had no experience of giving samadhi. So, what was I to do? At that time I thought of Srila Guru Maharaj's godbrother Srila Puri Maharaj who knew the vaidhi-bhakti scriptures.

It was two days before Srila Guru Maharaj left. Suddenly, Srila Puri Maharaj came to our temple! I did not know where he was, so I was very worried, searching in my mind, 'Where shall I send a godbrother to bring Puri Maharaj here? If he could come, it would be good.' And suddenly he came! He said to me, 'I feel Srila Guru Maharaj wants to go now, that is why I have come.' I was surprised and worshipped him. I asked him, 'Maharaj, yes, please stay. It is true. There was a very heavy earthquake, and also we see it in Srila Guru Maharaj's behaviour.'

Whenever we prayed to Srila Guru Maharaj, 'Please stay, please stay!' he would reply, 'Why are you trying to keep me here? I have arranged everything. My work is finished, and I feel much separation from my guru-varga – I want to go...' I prayed to him, 'Please stay at least a few more years.' His reply was always the same. But lastly, when I prayed, 'Guru Maharaj, please do not go this time,' he just turned away.

Srila Puri Maharaj did a lot. He performed many formal procedures (achara, sannyasin mantras, etc.) every day for one hour. Our godbrothers were also chanting. The doctors said that there was no hope, but some godbrothers and a few doctors insisted that I administer Srila Guru Maharaj saline, etc. I did not want to do it, but when they started to insist very heavily, then I thought, 'If I do not do it, they will chastise me in the future and blame me for not doing it.' So, I decided to try it. They connected Srila Guru Maharaj to saline and oxygen for, perhaps, twenty-four hours. Srila Guru Maharaj said that it was not necessary, so we pulled everything out. Srila Guru Maharaj called me, 'Where is Govinda Maharaj?' He thought that if I came there and he ordered me, then it would be pulled out. Knowing this, I did not come close to him at first, but when I finally stood in front of him, he said, 'Pull it out.' I told a little lie, 'I cannot do it. It was set up by the doctors, so when the doctor comes, he will pull it out.' It was half-truth, not full truth and not really a lie. Then, I told the doctor to pull it out. After that, Srila Guru Maharaj was in his samadhi.

That night I came to Srila Guru Maharaj at 2:30 a.m. At midnight, Srila Guru Maharaj wanted to take something, so he asked his servitor, 'Give me some food.' He took one or two spoonfuls – it was very liquid food, like milk. He took that, and then five minutes before he left his body he took a little water. I came to him at that time because I knew that he would want me to be there when he goes. That is why I always stayed near.

Whenever I came to Srila Guru Maharaj, he would take my hand, put it on his head and rub his head with my hand. I know the meaning of this, but I cannot say it. Also, during his last few months Srila Guru Maharaj did not use any clothes – he stayed like a child, without any clothes – but when he heard, 'Govinda Maharaj is coming,' he would immediately ask his servitor, 'Cover my body with some cloth.' Then, he would call me to the head of his bed, take my hand and do that little rubbing on his head with my hand. It happened every single day for quite a long time.

So, when Srila Guru Maharaj was leaving, I knew that he would want my hand. I came to him, placed my hand on his head, and then there was a little jerking and he left his body... That was his last moment... At that time, I was very steady because I knew my duty – my duty was not crying, a very heavy duty now came in front of me and I had to do it, do or die.

Srila Puri Maharaj also was there that night. He performed all the appropriate rituals very nicely. Srila Guru Maharaj left very peacefully, without much disturbance. Perhaps, there was some little disturbance only. Actually, after giving me sannyas, Srila Guru Maharaj became a little worry-free. He had wanted to give me sannyas for a very long time and kept telling me to take it year after year, but I did not. I heavily opposed it. I thought, 'Guru Maharaj is here, and that is enough.' The day before I took sannyas (on the Bahulastami day), Srila Guru Maharaj lastly told me, 'If you do not take sannyas and take charge of this Math, I will leave!' I asked, 'Maharaj, please give me a little time – three or six months.' I hesitated because I know the position of this chair. It is a very heavy chair and the highest chair in this world, that is why I have always been afraid of it. Everybody respects Srila Guru Maharaj – great sannyasis, great sadhus, great mahantas came to see him. Srila Guru Maharaj himself did not go anywhere, but everybody very respectfully prayed to Srila Guru Maharaj and came to discuss higher consciousness with him...

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Other discourses by His Divine Grace:

• Our Logo
• Chayoa ("A Wish")
• Appearance of Sri Gaura
• The Wonderful Nature of the Vaisnava
• Sripad Bhakti Vichar Jajavar Maharaj
• A Miracle and Wealth of Our Mission
• Sripad Ajita Krishna Prabhu Attains Dust of Sri Dham
• Sripad Rishabdev Prabhu: A Miracle Personality
• Sri Gaurahari Bhakti Sampad Prabhu
• About Sripad Saurindranath Bhakti Varidhi Mahodaya
• On the Appearance Day of Srila Bhakti Vinod Thakur
• Sri Ramananda Ray Prabhu
• The Greatest Gift of Sri Vedavyas
• A Separation Day
• Mahaprabhu's Directives
• "Do Not Despair"
• The Pain of Broken Hearts
• Sincerity and Chastity
• "Merry Christmas"
• Curb Your Curiosity
• Crossing Over Material Existence
• Bound by Affection
• Attachment to the Conception
• Srila Guru Maharaj's Disappearance

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