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'You Are Mine' (Spoken by His Divine Grace Srila Bhakti Raksak
Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj on 27 February 1982)
Go on living in the line of Srila Swami Maharaj as best as you can. Do not be silent or inactive. As much as we know, as much as we have got from him, however small our capital may be, we shall go on no matter what, with the sincerity of heart. The sincerity of the heart is the real capital. 'My conscience took me to that great messiah, Srila Swami Maharaj, and I cannot neglect that inner voice of mine, that guide. So, I shall do accordingly. I should rely on my inner tendency that took me to Srila Swami Maharaj, making me leave so many things aside.' We shall go on according to the dictation of our sincere hearts. Ahaituky-apratihata (অহৈতুক্যপ্রতিহতা). It is causeless and it is irresistible; none can control it. That particle is there within me. Bhakti, devotion, is causeless, which means that it has got no ulterior motive – it is innate, an eternal flow of that plane – and we have got a particle, an element of that substance. None can oppose it (apratihata).
যঃ স্বকাৎ পরতো বেহ জাতনির্ব্বেদ আত্মবান্ ।
yah svakat parato veha jata-nirveda atmavan (Srimad Bhagavatam, 1.13.27) The narottama sannyas has been qualified in this way. At heart there is Hari and guru, and you leave the world, leave your individual interest for the cause of the Supreme – you renounce (gehat) your own individual consideration and devote yourself to the public consideration in order to distribute the guru and Hari to one and all. The narottam sannyas is all about service to Hari. You become like a bird that flies from tree to tree to fulfil its purpose.
যদনুচরিতলীলা-কর্ণপীযূষ-বিপ্রুট্-
yad anucharita-lila-karna-piyusa-viprut (Srimad Bhagavatam, 10.47.18) The meaning of this verse is this. I am drinking nectar through my ears, and that is causing the dissolution of this mayik, misconceived, solidarity. One drop dissolves everything. I have heard that there is a chemical (perhaps, some acid) that, when applied to iron, can dissolve it – dacoits use that solution to open iron chests. So, similarly, one drop of the nectar in connection with the Absolute can dissolve the long-drawn family solidarity in the interest of the body and mind; and when that bondage is dissolved, the man will come out in the public street and his business will be to take the news and the nobility of that solution from door to door: 'A drop of nectar has absolved me from all my loan of exploitation and set me free. Use it and you will become free, too! You will be free from your long-incurred loan from this nature, and you will be able to go to your own soil. Back to home, back to Godhead.' He will carry that drop of nectar, that Hari-katha, that news of the Absolute – the sweetest of the sweet, the only indispensable necessity for us all. There can be no other necessity. The other day one gentleman told me that some of them [those who appeared to be of an unfavourable attitude towards Srila Sridhar Maharaj] were roaring like lions. It is very difficult to find roaring for the cause of Krishna. That kind of roaring is the most desirable as it diminishes the bondage of maya. Sri Nityananda Prabhu had that kind of roaring voice (hunkar, হুঙ্কার). 'Nityananda bali' yabe karena hunkara kariya kalmasa-nasa (নিত্যানন্দ বলি' যবে করেন হুঙ্কার করিয়া কল্মষ-নাশ).' That sound surcharged with spiritual potency could remove all misconception of the audience. It is deplorable that they have lost their faith in me. I was and I am their well-wisher. Srila Swami Maharaj, who could not put his faith in any other godbrother, had faith in me, but they are misusing that. I have no personal ambition, so I am in an impartial position. Many come to consult with me, so I am like a consulting physician or lawyer, I do not having my own practice. Since my very boyhood, I have never been a self-seeker, rather I have always been seeking for others. Even my mother used to scold me, 'You do not care about your own interest, you always only care about the interest of the others!' Of course I am not perfect, but I am trying to help others with an impartial judgement, as much as it is possible for me to know anything. It is very easy to feel and understand that we cannot serve Hari, guru and Vaishnavs, but it is most difficult to say, 'I am serving. I have got something.' The nature of our acquirement is such. We are trying to capture those who are higher than us in all respects and to an infinite degree, then how can it be possible? We must be conscious that we want to connect with superiors whom we cannot control but only love. They can be approached only through affection, not any right or force. And love and devotion mean self-sacrifice. That is the royal road. We can enter there by sacrifice devoid of anything undesirable (by the sacrifice of all selfish ideas). Such sacrifice has no end, so we must not be afraid of any rejection. From the very beginning we are to promise, we are to sign a creed, that we will not require any result or consequence from the infinite. Our concern is only with the part of the duty (however insignificant it may be) allotted to us; the rest is in His hand, we must not bother about it. We shall concentrate ourselves only on that one point: 'What is my duty?' We shall ascertain and accept it, and the rest will come out of His own accord. We will not go to bother about that. With this spirit we are to begin anything and everything. We are going to take bath in the ocean of sacrifice. Die to live, in Hegel's words. It is a very good expression. Die to live. That is the process of living: to die as we are at present. Die, put your whole self at stake for service, for the hankering of service. The stake is your wholesale ego. Die. Die and you will see that you do not actually die. It will become clear to you that you want to die but you cannot. This kind of inner acquaintance will come out that you do not die, you are eternal. You will realise, 'I have been trying to act at the cost of my death at every moment, I am trying to embrace death, but death is not coming to me! Why? What is the matter?' We will not die – we are eternal. On the contrary, as you try to die, the power and the courage will grow bigger and bigger. Die to live. Sacrifice (yajna). Put yourself, your dearest thing, into the sacrificial fire (ahuti). 'Yajnarthat karmano 'nyatra, loko 'yam karma-bandhanah (যজ্ঞার্থাৎ কর্ম্মণোঽন্যত্র লোকোঽয়ং কর্ম্মবন্ধনঃ). A selfless duty performed as an offering to the Supreme Lord is called yajna, or sacrifice (Srimad Bhagavad-gita, 3.9). Aham hi sarva-yajnanam, bhokta cha prabhur eva cha (অহং হি সর্ব্বযজ্ঞানাং ভোক্তা চ প্রভুরেব চ). I alone am the enjoyer and rewarder of all sacrifices' (Srimad Bhagavad-gita, 9.24). Krishna says, 'I am the master, the controller and the enjoyer. I am the recipient of all sacrifices, whenever it occurs. The only beneficiary in this world is I Myself, nobody else. All else are transmitters (transmitting agents), and the ultimate beneficiary is I Myself, but I am friendly to you.'
ভোক্তারং যজ্ঞতপসাং সর্ব্বলোকমহেশ্বরম্ ।
bhoktaram yajna-tapasam, sarva-loka-mahesvaram 'I am the enjoyer and objective of the sacrifices performed by persons of action, and of the austerities performed by persons of knowledge. I am Narayana, the indwelling monitor of all planes of life, the worshippable Supreme Personality who awards liberation. I am Krishna, the well-wisher of all and the dear friend of the devotees. One who knows Me thus, attains the bliss of knowing his own original divine identity.' (Srimad Bhagavad-gita, 5.29) 'I am your best friend.' That is the proper adjustment we hanker after. The absolute guardian, the owner, is my friend. He is my friend! We are to realise that and do accordingly, with heart within and God overhead. During his last days, our Guru Maharaj (Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur Prabhupad) said, 'Be courageous and callous.' That was one of his peculiar expressions. We understand what 'courageous' means, but 'callous' sounds mystic. Callous means, perhaps, forbearing, tolerant, not dismissing or hateful. Be courageous and callous. Be it love or rupture, if it is for Krishna, then it is welcome. It may be apparently love, it may be apparently rupture, but if it is for Krishna, then we must accept it. If we try to avoid rupture for our own personal fame, that may not be justified. Rupture can be there, but it must be for the cause of Krishna, and this is something that must be guaranteed from within my heart, then I must take that rupture on my head. Coming in connection with rupture appears undesirable for everyone, but if it is for the cause of Krishna, then we will not shrink away. According to our capacity, we are to invite it, but it must be for the cause of Krishna, then it will fetch an equal value as love. Love and rupture, raga (রাগ) and dvesa (দ্বেষ). Everything should be devoted to the cause of Krishna; it should not be shown unnecessarily, for some selfish purpose. Whatever is done for His account is fully justified, and that is called nirguna (নির্গুণ): to go on with the conception of my duty towards Him, the Absolute Truth, without caring for any result. That is the most original wave of the whole universe of our conception. Ahaituky-apratihata (অহৈতুক্যপ্রতিহতা). Krishna's lila is dynamic, and it is causeless and irresistible, none can oppose it. We are to adjust ourselves with that wave, then we can enjoy harmony. Harmony is not static but dynamic. Nirguna means to adjust yourself with the dynamic harmony, with the ultimate wave and plane of movement. In that plane, there is Krishna's flute, there is dancing, and there beauty is the autocrat. The gayatri, the mother of all Vedas, is also attuned to that purpose. I tried to draw it out of the gayatri: 'Gayatri muralista-kirtana-dhanam Radha-padam dhimahi (গায়ত্রী-মুরলীষ্ট-কীর্ত্তনধনং রাধাপদং ধীমহি). Krishna's flute does not make any other tune except the glorification of Srimati Radharani; that is the real meaning and gist of the gayatri-mantra.' The directing tendency of gayatri, which is the origin of the revealed truth (the mother of all Vedic knowledge), the call of Krishna (the tune of His flute), which is meant to adjust everyone in their respective duties to satisfy Him, as well as the sankirtan of Mahaprabhu, are all well-connected. They all aim at the final adjustment with the wave of the most fundamental plane of nirguna. Question: When Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur formed the GBC body, he had left the instruction that the acharya would be self-effulgent from amongst his disciples to continue his sampradaya. Did he leave any specific instruction as to how initiations would go on before this acharya manifested himself? We understand and generally feel that the acharya will appoint his successor, but we saw that Srila Prabhupad did not do that, he avoided it. We could not but come to think that it would come naturally and automatically from his imparted grace (from whatever spiritual education he had already imparted to his disciples). Perhaps, he naturally relied on his general preaching and instruction to effect this. And it did happen like that afterwards. From the relative plane, we may not appreciate it; but from the absolute standpoint, we find that everything that happens by the will of Krishna, Mahaprabhu and, necessarily, gurudev is all good. The reaction and the reverberation of his words came in different ways and at different stages. 'Anvaya-vyatirekabhyam, yat syat sarvatra sarvada (অন্বয়ব্যতিরেকাভ্যাং যৎ স্যাৎ সর্ব্বত্র সর্ব্বদা). Sincere seekers should enquire about that which remains eternal at all times and in all circumstances' (Srimad Bhagavatam, 2.9.35). If we can accommodate the dissolution of the Yadu-vamsa (the Yadu dynasty), the war of Kuruksetra – if we find that there is nothing lacking there spiritually from the absolute standpoint – then this dismemberment must also be appreciated. While complaining, we are still to accept the inevitable, 'This is the process through which the inevitable must appear.' We are now finding dissatisfaction in the existing administration, but it is a process through which, perhaps, something will come out, and we cannot avoid it – it is a necessary process. So, it was like that after Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur, too. Many things came through our complaints, amidst our dissatisfaction, and those things were propagated and preached in a particular way. But the ultimate reading of things is that the final decision is in His hand, and all that is happening is all right. Still, according to our own realisation, we shall try to be careful, 'Do not do this,' but when it is done, it may be accepted as the will of Krishna. It is a peculiar process: thesis, antithesis and synthesis. Something is undesirable, so do not do it, but when it is done, it should be accepted as His will, and we must adjust ourselves with that. This is how we are to take things. Some things can even be mayamoy (illusory). For example, when Sita Devi was stolen by Ravan, it has also got its meaning – it was necessary to educate us, to give us something. Even that has also got its bright side. When Ramachandra was banished on the request of Kaikeyi, it has got its bright side, too. Jagai, Madhai and Brutus are all betrayers, oppositionists, but even that has also got its meaning and its place to serve the positive. The negative serves the positive. This is how we must try to see it. It is a particular process. A child, the object of the mother's joy, comes out of her womb by giving her pain. Such is the nature. So, whatever we do, we shall do it with sincerity and without much attachment. 'Ma te sango 'stv akarmani (মা তে সঙ্গোঽস্ত্বকর্ম্মণি). Be neither motivated by the fruit of action nor inclined to give up action' (Srimad Bhagavad-gita, 2.47). Because the fruit is not in your hand, you neglect your service – do not be like this. 'If the fruit is not mine, why should I labour?' – may this satanic tendency not enter your heart. Try your best to do what you think is best without looking at the result. At the same time, do not be idle. 'If I have no connection with the result, why should I labour fruitlessly?' – this is satanic, and we are warned against this, 'Your part is only to discharge your duty; the rest is with the infinite. You are only a very negligible portion of the infinite, so do your duty without any expectation of the result.' There are many clashes, many waves coming from the infinite quarter. Do not try to fix it so that your particular duty produces a particular result. It is not possible. You are to do your duty as your quota or contribution to the infinite. Try to live like this, and, more than that, sacrifice. Your life is a particle of sacrifice for the cause of the whole. Try to die for the infinite – that is your real position. Learn to die for the infinite, not for your selfish purpose or for any magnified selfishness, such as national, social or some family interest. This is where you will find your best internal satisfaction. When you live as a wholesale sacrifice unit, you can find there maximum pleasure within yourself. This is thought to be apparently impossible, but your prospect is there in that plane of sacrifice, this is where you can live, so do not be discouraged. He is there. He is there. Whom you are searching for is there, and none can make a monopoly. He is there. Why should we be disappointed? No disappointment! No disappointment. It is all for the best. 'It is necessary for my progress' – we are to take it in this way. We are to accept every event seeing that this is the necessity. I am to pass this examination – if I go back, it will be kept for later, and I will again have to pass this examination. So, whatever it may be, in whatever shape it may come to us, it is His grace (tat te anukampam, তত্তেঽনুকম্পাং). This is necessary for us at this time, so we are to face it with a good, courageous and sincere heart, thinking, 'The other side is conscious, He is not ignorant. I am in His relativity, so whatever step I am making forward, I am taking it in His relativity. And He is there, He is all-conscious. I am less conscious, I am of a meagre consciousness, but He is all-love. I am searching what is my fate, what is my fortune, so I have come to find Him, and He is not a stone, not an ignorant infinite, but a conscious and loving, merciful infinite. I am surrounded by Him. Why should I be rejected? If this has come to me, it means that it is necessary for me – it has come to me according to my stage, so I am to face it courageously and faithfully. I must face every circumstance faithfully, sincerely without getting cowed down by any special interest. I must see the universal interest, which is my inner interest.' We are to face every circumstance like that. Stand upfront, face to face. Do not think that if it is withdrawn, then you will be saved – no, if it is withdrawn, it will be still kept for your future examination. Everything is His grace, and whatever comes is necessary for us, for our progress in life. This is how we are to face everything, then we can advance more and more. There should be no spirit of avoidance. Everything is positive. Such attitude shows our integrity, our purity, affinity and faithfulness to our gurudev. Your hearts seem dissatisfied, anxious that the order and the line of your Guru Maharaj may not be covered, may not be disregarded – this earnestness in your hearts is a jewel, a valuable jewel. You are anxious and alert that your Guru Maharaj's grace may be extended and not covered by any clouds – this eager feeling in your hearts is your wealth. That is the wealth of all of us, and we should try to keep it up, to be grateful for the wealth we have got from our Guru Maharaj and keep it with all alertness so that we may keep this spark, this drop of divine nectar intact in our hearts. All our wishes and desires must be controlled for the interest of that drop, or spark.
একমপ্যক্ষরং যস্তু গুরুঃ শিষ্যে নিবেদয়েৎ ।
ekam apy aksaram yastu guruh sisye nivedayet 'The whole earth, the whole universe cannot produce so much wealth that could purchase a drop of the value of one single word that the guru imparts in the heart of his disciple.' Nothing can be of equal value to purchase that one drop of divinity. It is that valuable. We must try to keep up that valuable drop of instruction that he has extended to our hearts. We must be faithful to his instruction, to this principle. So, on the one hand, we must not be aggrieved because, whatever happens, it cannot be outside His will. On the other hand, we must learn to adjust ourselves with that which is inevitable. What is happening is backed by His will, so we should try to leave all sorts of complaints arising in us. This is the fullest adjustment of the highest section of devotion. Such devotees can adjust with everything, but in the madhyam-adhikar stage there is some complaint, 'Oh, this is good, that is bad. He is my guru, so this will be spread. This is God and that is non-God.' This is the level of a madhyam-adhikari, but when you are filly established in nirguna, there will be no such complaint because you will be fully adjusted and will be able to trace the will and the meaning of His lila everywhere. In the middle way, of course, we will have some complaint. But, at the same time, to solace our own progressive dissatisfied mind, the final adjustment is to adjust ourselves with everything that happens and comes to us. Para-duhkha-duhkhi (পরদুঃখ-দুঃখী). Real Vaishnavs have got no dissatisfaction with themselves, but they have feel some pain for the trouble of others. Now your section has got this pain: 'We have got a little grace from Srila Swami Maharaj directly, but others, the posterity, are going to be deceived. Why cannot we work smoothly in the line of Srila Swami Maharaj?' That is your dissatisfaction and trouble. Para-duhkha-duhkhi. As for yourself, you feel, 'We have got some clue, and we can go on with the help of that, but the others are being deceived because they are not exactly getting the thing that we have got.' Srila Das Goswami says about Srila Sanatan Goswami:
বৈরাগ্যযুগ্-ভক্তিরসং প্রয়ত্নৈরপায়য়ন্মামনভীপুমন্ধম্ ।
vairagya-yug-bhakti-rasam prayatnair 'I take shelter of Srila Sanatan Goswami Prabhu. He is an ocean of mercy and sorrowful to see the sorrow of others. Although I was blind and unwilling, he carefully forced me to drink the nectar of devotion mixed with detachment.' Vaishnavs have no personal concern, but their concern is that others are being deceived, that they cannot receive the same thing that they have got. Para-duhkha-duhkhi. That is their qualification. Devotee: Can I take permission of your leave? 'Hrdi krtva harim gehat pravrajet (হৃদি কৃত্বা হরিং গেহাৎ প্রব্রজেৎ).' With Hari and guru in your heart, you may take leave. [To a servitor] Please give him some prasad. 'Anukulyasya samkalpah, pratikulya visarjjanam (আনুকূল্যস্য সঙ্কল্পঃ প্রাতিকূল্য-বিসর্জ্জনম্). Accept what is favourable, reject what is unfavourable' (Vaisnava-tantra). What is favourable may not be one with Hari-bhajan. There is favourable and unfavourable adjustment towards our divine realisation. The governing body or the administration are not realisation in itself. They may or may not help my realisation. This should be seen from this angle of vision. There is favourable adjustment and unfavourable adjustment. But actually our divine realisation does not depend on these arrangements. Divine realisation is something else; rather, it is our connection with the infinite possibility that has no limitation. We shall be open to anything and everything. That is Vaikuntha. No 'kuntha': no measurement, no limitation, no concern, no limitation relativity. Is it favourable or unfavourable? This much evaluation we can attach, and adjust ourselves accordingly, in this mundane world, but bhajan means self-surrendering. We must live amidst the infinite, under the sky. We must live under the sky, unlimited. By Krishna's will, any desire, any movement, any suggestion may come to us at any time, and we shall be prepared to obey. We shall stand face to face to the infinite will and expect that everything that comes from Him is the necessity and is the beauty. That is our destination. To be face to face with that individually or collectively. Whether I am taking Harinam or preaching, everything – every movement, every step – can be mundane, formal or can have its infinite characteristic. We must only be conscious of our environment in this way. We live in eternity, not on any mundane platform, in any country or province – this is all relative. There is another relative world out there. Our Guru Maharaj wrote a book called Relative Worlds (পরতন্ত্র জগৎদ্বয়). There are two kinds of relative worlds, one is God-centered and the other one is self-centered (maya). Jada-vilas (material play) and chit-vilas (transcendental play). In the God-centred world, the controlling force is the satisfaction of Krishna; and here, it is the satisfaction of selfish persons. So, a particular action can be bhajan. In one case, it can be devotion; and in another case, it can be enjoyment – the only concern is the attitude. Purity depends upon the degree of surrender to the highest prime cause. Surrender to Narayan, to Ramachandra, Dvarakesh, Mathuresh, Vrajendra-nandan, and so on, higher and higher. So, whether we are taking the Name or are formally seen to be engaged in any sort of activity, it is our attitude, our internal object, that will decide what is what. Love and rupture. It may externally be in the form of love or in the form of rupture also, but what is all important to consider is the internal adjustment. That is what we are to understand and follow. So, these things do not depend on the environment or the dealings of others. Ahaituky-apratihata (অহৈতুক্যপ্রতিহতা). It is causeless and irresistible. The problem is none but my own ego. I am my greatest enemy, and I am my greatest friend. Both my friend and my enemy are really in me. No outside force can check me if I am right. Of course, that may arouse some concern for a beginner, but that, too, depends on the nature of one's sukriti. 'Na hi kalyana-krt kaschid durgatim tata gachchhati (ন হি কল্যাণকৃৎ কশ্চিদ্দুর্গতিং তাত গচ্ছতি). Sincerity is invincible' (Srimad Bhagavad-gita, 6.40). We are given this assurance: 'I am there. I am there to look after any unfavourable consideration. I am omniscient, and omnipotent also. So, if anyone is directed towards Me, I look after them.' It is also seen in history – in the lives of Dhruva, Prahlad and so many others. Sincerity is invincible (na hi kalyana-krt kaschid durgatim tata gachchhati, ন হি কল্যাণকৃৎ কশ্চিদ্দুর্গতিং তাত গচ্ছতি). So, apprehension has got its limitation, and it comes to improve our position if we can take it in the proper way. Everything comes to help us. 'Tat te 'nukampam susamiksamano (তত্তেঽনুকম্পাং সুসমীক্ষমাণো).' This is the most hopeful suggestion for us, in all stages of life. 'Na hi kalyana-krt kaschid (ন হি কল্যাণকৃৎ কশ্চিদ্)' is from inside, and 'tat te 'nukampam susamiksamano bhunjana evatma-krtam' (তত্তেঽনুকম্পাং সুসমীক্ষমাণো ভুঞ্জান এবাত্মকৃতং) is from outside. Blame yourself, none else. Take up this attitude, this is the perfect adjustment. Blame yourself for your past activity. Do not waste your energy on blaming others and throwing mud in the face of others. It is only a waste of your energy. Concentrate your whole energy on blaming yourself and on appreciating the Lord and His grace (anukampa). We see something as undesirable because it does not suit our present taste, but the medicine or the diet may not necessarily be tasteful to the patient but it is wholesome and conducive to health. This is the highest type of regulation given in the scriptures. If you can take advantage of this law, then in no time you will attain a very good position. 'Tat te 'nukampam susamiksamano (তত্তেঽনুকম্পাং সুসমীক্ষমাণো).' Not only stop blaming the circumstances but learn to appreciate that it is He who is at the back of it all. 'My best friend is at the back of everything! Everything is passing through His attentive eyes, so there cannot be any wrong or any defect there.' Even Srimati Radharani also says, 'I do not blame Krishna for this long separation from Him. It is only an outcome of My own fate. He is not to be blamed for this at all. Yes, outwardly, it is seen and admitted that He has left us cruelly, but it is not His fault.' She is not prepared to put blame on Krishna's part: 'Never. There is no wrong on His part. There must be something wrong in Me, and it has now come out in this form.'
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