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"I Need Your Mercy!"

By His Divine Grace
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj,
Sri Vyasa Puja day, Sri Nabadwip Dham
8 October 2010, part 2


So many godbrothers are here... Actually, I say "disciple" about somebody, but I do not consider anyone my disciple. Gurudev told me to take disciples, but I myself never think anything is mine. I want to think that everybody is equal to me, and nobody is my disciple. I am not proud—this is your Math, you are all welcome here. I am here today to get your mercy—I am here today to worship you, I have not come to take worship. Today is an opportunity for me to worship my Guru and Vaishnavs, the Lord has given me this opportunity today. I never told anyone to make a festival, I actually told devotees that it was not necessary to do anything, but all the devotees were upset and they insisted that they wanted to do it...

[Sripad B.P. Tirtha Maharaj enters.]

Jay Sripad Tirtha Maharaj ki jay. You see? Even Tirtha Maharaj has come to give me his mercy. He is senior to me, he is Guru-varga to me but even he has come and I am getting shy.

For me, today's day is the day when I worship my Guru. Every year Srila Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj went to Mayapur for Sripad Bhakti Saranga Goswami Maharaj's Vyasa Puja, and Goswami Maharaj said every time, "Every year my sannyas Guru comes and I get one more year of life," and whatever donation, whatever presentation he got that day, he gave everything to his sannyas Guru, Srila Sridhar Maharaj. So, for me today is the day when I worship my Guru.

However, I am so unfortunate because Gurudev left so soon and made me sit on this singhasan (chair). Gurudev gave me this service, Gurudev gave me this position to serve you all—I have got this kind of opportunity but I need your help—I need your mercy!

Sripad Goswami Maharaj, Sripad Janardan Maharaj, Sripad Ashram Maharaj and others are much more senior than me. Before, they actually had many disciples but they gave everything up, and now Gurudev told them to take disciples again. They are all here today, they are helping Guru Maharaj so much. We live by their mercy, by their support.

I always tell everybody that I have no time to see anybody's fault, I only want to see everybody's good. In the Math there is big Deities, there is a big mandir, there is samadhi of Gurudev, we can take darshan of the temple, we can take darshan of the Deities, we can serve at the temple, we must not see bad things, it is not our duty.

পৃথিবীতে আছে যত নগরাদি গ্রাম
সর্ব্বত্র প্রচার হইবে মোর নাম

prithivite achhe yata nagaradi grama
sarvatra prachara haibe mora nama

"My Name will spread to every village and town on this earth."

Vaishnavs come here to preach about this, following in the footsteps of Guru and Vaishnavs. Therefore, I am praying to you all if there is any fault on my side, please forgive me. I have told it many times I am not proud, I am your friend, and I am like you all. Some criticise me behind my back, they say, "This is wrong," "That is wrong," but they are not friends—if I do something wrong, I can admit it that yes, I made a mistake. Many years ago Gurudev gave me an order to manage the temple and I went to preach, I opened many temples, and I realise that as I was carrying out his orders I made many offences, and that is why Gurudev ordered me to always sing this song,

আমার জীবন সদা পাপে রত
নাহিক পুণ্যের লেশ ।
পরেরে উদ্বেগ দিয়াছি যে কত
দিয়াছি জীবেরে ক্লেশ ॥

amara jivana sada pape rata
nahika punyera lesa
parere udvega diyachhi ye kata
diyachhi jivere klesa

My life is always engrossed in sin. There is not a trace of piety in it. I have caused others so much anxiety and trouble.

নিজ সুখ লাগি' পাপে নাহি ডরি
দয়াহীন স্বার্থপর ।
পর সুখে দুঃখী সদা মিথ্যাভাষী
পরদুঃখ সুখকর ॥

nija sukha lagi' pape nahi dari
daya-hina svartha-para
para-sukhe duhkhi sada mithya-bhasi
para-duhkha sukha-kara

I am never afraid to engage in sinful activities for the sake of my own happiness. I am unkind and selfish. I always tell lies. I am unhappy when others are happy, and happy when others are unhappy.

অশেষ কামনা হৃদি মাঝে মোর
ক্রোধী দম্ভপরায়ণ ।
মদমত্ত সদা বিষয়ে মোহিত
হিংসা-গর্ব্ব বিভূষণ ॥

asesa kamana hrdi majhe mora
krodhi, dambha-parayana
mada-matta sada visaye mohita
himsa-garva vibhusana

There are unlimited sinful desires within the core of my heart. I am angry and arrogant, always maddened with vanity, infatuated with mundanity, and malice and pride are my ornaments.

By the mercy of Gurudev and Vaishnavs, I have been able to return to the Math and take darshan of Gurudev. And it is to fulfil Gurudev's order that I am sitting here now. I am not fit for this, I have no quality or qualification, but if you give me your mercy, then I have some hope...

Many come to me and invite to their place—I want to go to everybody's village, although it may not be possible now, but you must all come here, this is your home, and Gurudev is always with you. I have told it many times that to get the association of Gurudev you must follow Gurudev's order and instruction, read Gurudev's books, think about Gurudev's instruction, then you will get the association of your Guru.

You have heard about it before and I told it yesterday also, after Mahaprabhu, Swarup Damodar left, Raghunath Das Goswami Prabhu gave up all hope. He thought, "I will not live. I will jump from Govardhan Hill and commit suicide!" But when he came there, he received mercy of Sanatan Goswami and Rupa Goswami, and he realised that he had got even more mercy from them than from Mahaprabhu. So, if you serve following your Guru, you will get his association.

To become a guru, you must first become a disciple. You have taken shelter of a bona fide guru of this line Rupanuga sampradaya line. Guru Maharaj is the holder of this line and in his lifetime he arranged that there stays a successor.

In this way, I only want to serve the Vaishnavs, I have no other desire. I do not want anybody to do my puja, I want to serve you all.

Please come from time to time. Srila Srihdar Dev-Goswami Maharaj's festival (Vyasa Puja) is coming soon, please come. Come for Gurudev's Vyasa Puja, come for Gaura Purnima. If we all stay together, engage in Harinam sankirtan and spend the whole life like this, it will give us a great benefit. We have no other wish.


— : • : —




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Service Without Ego and Tiredness
His Divine Grace Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj is replying three questions: How important is it to serve the devotees? How to do service and not increase ego? How to do service and not get tired.


Namo namah tulasi maharani
'Siva, Sukadev, Narad, Brahma, the other demigods, and the great learned sages all circumambulate you, O Tulasi.'
নমো নমঃ তুলসী মহারাণি

Imagine you are standing and six men—kama, krodha, lobha, moha, mada, abhimana—are pulling you with ropes in six different directions. Tell me, what will be your position then?