Real Relationship

His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj
Kolkata, 20 December 2020, part 6

Jay Srila Guru Maharaj ki jay

Everything is going on very nicely, and I am very happy to see you. I think I will be perhaps in Nrisingha Palli next Sunday, so I will talk with you from there (we will try to make a programme there). It was very nice to meet with you all today. Please forgive my offence that I did not really give a lecture on any subject this time.

Actually, I am meeting with you all just to get your association. Everybody must realise that we are all close relatives—we are all sons or daughters of the Lord, therefore we are all brothers and sisters. "Srnvantu visve amrtasya putra. You are all sons of nectar!" We come from the Lord and we must go back to the Lord—back to God, back to home. Back to Godhead. In this way, we are related to each other. This feeling must come to our heart. We are all one family, and this family's guardian is our Gurudev. In a family, all brothers and sisters do not have the same qualities, the same qualifications, but we are still a family—we must have love and affection for each other and for everybody in general. This is very important. Do not enter into any contradiction with anybody, do not fight with anybody. We are all one family—the family who are following Gurudev's instruction, who are following Gurudev's order and request.

It is not necessary to become a great guru—we must become great disciples. "Sisya thakibo sarvada. I will always remain a servant." "Bhajite bhajite abhimana hau dura"—if you worship the Lord realising this relationship (understanding your relationship with the Lord), then your ego will be removed. We must understand our relationship with the Lord—we must understand that we are servants of the servants of the Lord, we are servants of devotees. When this relationship comes, your ego will be removed.

You can read the song "Kripa kara Vaishnav Thakur" and see its meaning. I sang it today in the morning. It is said there, "Sambandha janiya bhajite bhajite abhimana hau dura. Knowing the true relationship I will always worship You and my ego will go far away." We must understand our relationship (sambandha) with the Lord, relationship with the devotees. We are all servants of devotees, we are not masters of devotees. We are servants of the servants of devotees. If we think we are masters of devotees, that is ego. If you understand the true relationship that you are a servant of devotees, then that ego will be removed. It is very important to understand this.

I am giving my full obeisance to you all. Please accept my obeisance. Dandavat.

[A day earlier, in a Bengali class, His Divine Grace spoke about the purport of this song as follows:]

We will sing now a kirtan in glorification of Vaishnavs. Usually, we sing "(Ohe) Vaishnav Thakur" song, but today I will chant a new one.

What kind of sambandha (relationship) is this? We have some relationship with our fathers, mothers, friends, brothers, sisters, relatives, uncles, aunts, etc., but this relationship is not real. What is our realtionship with Vaishnavs? "O Vaishnav Thakur, you are my Lord, and I am your servant." This is the true relationship, and this relationship must come to us. "You are my Lord, and I am your servant." Even a father must pay obeisance to his son.

One day, a brahmachari came to Srila Gaura Kishor Das Babaji Maharaj. This brahmachari had just got married and gone to his house to live with his family (in other words, he had become a grihastha). He had stayed at home for one-two months cooking and eating separately, when finally he said, "Enough. I cannot do it anymore!" He did not eat what his wife cooked because his wife was not initiated. This is rather common—if the wife is not initiated, then you should not eat from her hands (should not eat what she cooks). Such is the rule. Many get married and eat their wife's cooking, but

বিষয়ীর অন্ন খাইলে মলিন হয় মন ।
মলিন মন হৈলে, নহে কৃষ্ণ-নাম গ্রহণ ॥

visayira anna khaile malina haya mana
malina mana haile, nahe krsna-nama grahana

"If you take food that comes from materialistic people, your mind becomes contaminated. When your mind is contaminated, you cannot chant the Name of Krishna."

(Sri Chaitanya-charitamrita, Antya-lila, 6.278)

This is what is said in the scriptures. You should not eat from the hands of materialists. They must get initiated, and to get initiated one must come to a guru. So, that brahmachari came to his guru (Srila Gaura Kishor Das Babaji Maharaj) and said,

"Gurudev, please do not take my offence, I have got married..."

Srila Babaji Maharaj said, "You did good. Now she must get initiated, mustn't she?"

"Yes, that is why I have come to you."

"Oh, I understand. Listen, I will give her initiation, but I have one condition."

"Yes, what is it?"

"You must work, earn money and buy all the groceries, etc. Then, your wife will cook and you will offer the bhog—if you do not have time to do it, then your wife will offer the bhog. After offering the bhog, doing arati, etc. after you finish everything, your wife will take prasadam first, and you will take the remnants after her."

Why did Srila Babaji Maharaj say this? You must do this so that you do not think that your wife is an object of your enjoyment. You will think, "My wife is Krishna's maidservant, and I am Krishna's servant. I am my Guru's servant, and my wife is my Guru's maidservant." You must remember this, otherwise if you think, "She is my wife, she will do what I say!" this is not right.

This is what is called relationship (sambandha). It is the realisation that, "I am Your servant."

Also, Srila Gaura Kishor Das Babaji Maharaj said that the husband must call his wife 'Didi' (sister) and the wife will call her husband 'Prabhu' (Master). You must follow this. This is sambandha. If you follow this, then your ego that "Oh, I have become a Vaishnav!" will go away.

সম্বন্ধ জানিয়া ভজিতে ভজিতে
অভিমান হউ দূর ॥

sambandha janiya bhajite bhajite
abhimana hau dura

"Knowing the true relationship I will worship You and my ego will go far away."

This is what is called real relationship (sambandha).

"I am a Vaishnav!" If this is my idea, then again ego will come to me—I will not be able to give honour to others, I will not be able to free myself from the desire to receive honour. This is how desire for pratistha comes, "I am a great Vaishnav!", "Give me a garland!", "Everybody says 'jay' to me!" and so on. Do you know what Prabhupad Srila Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur said? Sometimes you hear people say, "No, no, no, do not give me any garland!" These are only external words, but what is the real meaning? It means they say, "Give it to me, give it to me!" In this way, desire for pratistha comes.

কনক-কামিনী প্রতিষ্ঠা-বাঘিনী
ছাড়িয়াছে যারে সেই ত বৈষ্ণব

kanaka-kamini, pratistha-baghini,
chhadiyachhe yare sei ta vaisnava

"Those who have given up money, women, and fame, are the true Vaishnavs."

(Vaishnav Ke? 11)

Who is called a Vaishnav? To be a Vaishnav, it is necessary to give up money, women, and fame. "Pratisthasa asi' hrdaya dusibe"—when pratistha comes, it contaminates the heart! What becomes then? You will find yourself in hell (nirayagami).

"I will become your servant." We must give up the ego and never think that we can be or have become a guru. We must always remember, "I am always a disciple."

"Tomara uchchhista pada-jala-renu sada niskapate bhaji." We will always take remnants of the Lord (uchchhista). You know, if you go to Jagannath temple, you will see there is a pot of water at the entrance for washing your feet—first you must wash your feet, then you can go inside. So, when Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu was in Puri, He would go to Jagannath Temple with Govinda and other devotees and also first wash His feet there. One time, a devotee named Kalidas went there and started taking that water from Mahaprabhu's feet! Govinda shouted at him, "Hey, do not touch the feet! Do not touch the feet!" But Mahaprabhu said, "Do not stop him." Mahaprabhu prohibited everyone to touch His feet, but not Kalidas. Why? What had he done? When all Vaishnavs took prasadam, he would never sit with them—he would stand afar and, later, when everybody finished, he would come to the place where the Vaishnavs threw their plates and take their remnants from there. This is Kalidas who had got the right to touch Mahaprabhu's feet.

People always think about themselves (thinks that they themselves are the dearest). I have told you the story of Srila Jagannath Das Babaji Maharaj many times. Once, somebody invited Srila Jagannath Das Babaji Maharaj to their house to take prasadam. When Srila Jagannath Das Babaji Maharaj came and ate everything clean from the plate, the host forced Srila Jagannath Das Babaji Maharaj to eat again thinking, "If I do not force him to eat more and if he does not leave anything on the plate, then how we will get his prasadam?" Srila Jagannath Das Babaji Maharaj then thought, "I have finished taking prasad, but they are giving me rice and subji again! What is this?" Then, he forced himself to eat everything again and not only that—he also ate the banana plate! This is the truth, this is what actually happened. Seeing this, the person who had invited Srila Jagannath Das Babaji Maharaj, began to cry, "I have made a big offence! I have made a big offence!"

So, if you say, "Give me prasadam!" or if you keep pushing others, "Take more!" then you are showing your ego. "Give me more prasad! Give me this prasad, give me that prasad!" This is all ego.

"Na laiba puja ka'ra. I will not take worship from anyone." Many say, "Maharaj, please accept my obeisance." I do not accept anyone's obeisance—all obeisances are at Gurudev's lotus feet. That is why, Srila Prabhupad said, "There are many gurus in this world who will take your obeisances (pranam) and donations (pranami), but it is very rare to find a bona fide guru who will care for your spiritual life."

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