"I Want to Surrender"

His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj
Kolkata—Worldwide, 31 January 2021, part 1

Jay Om Vishnupad Jagad-Guru Srila Bhakti Sundar Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj ki jay
Visva-varenya Srila Guru Maharaj ki jay
Om Vishnupad Jagad-Guru Srila Bhakti Raksak Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj ki jay
Om Vishnupad Bhagavan Sri Srila Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Goswami Thakur Prabhupad ki jay
Rupanuga-guru-varga ki jay
Namacharya Haridas Thakur ki jay
Vrinda Devi, Tulasi Devi, Sri Bhakti Devi ki jay
Sri Shyama Kunda Radha Kunda Sri Giri Govardhan ki jay
Sri Mayapur Dham, Sri Nabadwip Dham, Sri Vrindavan Mathura ki jay
Sri Purusottam Ksetra ki jay
Baladev Subhadra Jagannathjiu ki jay
Akar Math-raj Sri Chaitanya Math ki jay
Mayapur Yogapith ki jay
Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math ki jay
Tandiya sakha Math samuha ki jay
Sri Mather sevak vrinda, bhakta-vrinda ki jay
Ananta-koti Vaishnav vrinda ki jay
Sri Gaudiya Acharya vrinda ki jay
Tridandi-pad-gan ki jay
Saparsada Sriman Nityananda Prabhu ki jay
Saparsada Sriman Mahaprabhu ki jay
Bhakta-prabara Prahlad Maharaj ki jay
Suddha-bhakti-vighnar vinasankari Bhagavan Nrisinghadev ki jay
Sri Sada-Siva Gangadhar, Giriraj Govardhan ki jay
Harinam sankirtan ki jay
Samagata Sri Gaura bhakta-vrinda ki jay!
Nitai Gaura premanande Hari bol

Everything is going on well by the mercy of Gurudev. We are all meeting today this morning, it is a very nice day, and I would like to sing a little bit now. Jay Srila Guru Maharaj ki jay. Jay Om Vishnupad Jagad-Guru Srila Bhakti Sundar Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj ki jay.

Srila Bhaktivinod Thakur writes, "Gurudev, you have been so merciful to me—you have given me a place in Godrumdwip." I have also left Koladwip and I am now staying in Nrisingha Palli, Godrumdwip...

গুরুদেব!
বড় কৃপা করি’, গৌড়বন-মাঝে
গোদ্রুমে দিয়াছ স্থান ।
আজ্ঞা দিল মোরে, এই ব্রজে বসি’,
হরিনাম কর গান ॥১॥

gurudeva!
bada krpa kari', gauda-vana-majhe
godrume diyachha sthana
ajna dila more, ei vraje vasi',
harinama kara gana

Gurudev! Bestowing a great mercy on me, you have given me a place in Sri Godrumdwip amidst the forests of Gauda. You ordered me: "Reside in this abode which is non-different from Vraja and chant the Lord's Name."

"You have ordered me to stay in this Vraja-dham (Nabadwip is non-different from Sri Vraja-dham, Vrindavan) and chant the Holy Name."

কিন্তু কবে প্রভো, যোগ্যতা অর্পিবে,
এ দাসেরে দয়া করি’ ।
চিত্ত স্থির হবে, সকল সহিব,
একান্তে ভজিব হরি ॥২॥

kintu kabe prabho, yogyata arpibe,
e dasere daya kari'
chitta sthira habe, sakala sahiba,
ekante bhajiba hari [2]

But when, O master, will you mercifully grant this servant the qualification to do this? Then my heart will become steadfast, I will tolerate everything, and I will serve the Lord sincerely.

But I ask Gurudev, "Gurudev, when will you give me the qualification to chant the Holy Name? When will you give me your mercy to chant the Holy Name?" It is not possible to chant the Holy Name without the qualification of being humble, tolerant and giving honour to others. It is necessary to have this qualification. When will Gurudev give this qualification to me? When will my mind become steady? My mind is always fickle, I cannot concentrate my mind. When will I be able to give my full attention, my everything to chanting of the Holy Name? My mind is always fickle and I cannot tolerate anything. When I learn to tolerate everything, then my mind will become quiet and I will be able to chant the Holy Name...

শৈশব-যৌবনে, জড়সুখ-সঙ্গে,
অভ্যাস হইল মন্দ ।
নিজকর্ম্ম-দোষে, এ দেহ হইল,
ভজনের প্রতিবন্ধ ॥৩॥

saisava-yauvane, jada-sukha-sange,
abhyasa ha-ila manda
nija-karma-dose, e deha ha-ila,
bhajanera pratibandha [3]

In my childhood and youth, I always indulged in material happiness and I have become habituated to bad things. Because of my own sins, this body has become an impediment to spiritual practice.

From my young age, from my childhood, I have acquired so many bad habits—some material happiness comes and we enjoy it, and in this way our habits become very bad. It is all my fault! It is my fault that I have got this body! This body is an obstacle for worshipping the Lord and chanting the Holy Name! From an early age my habits have been bad, and now this body has become an obstacle for chanting the Holy Name, an obstacle for practising...

বার্দ্ধক্যে এখন, পঞ্চরোগে হত,
কেমনে ভজিব বল’ ।
কাঁদিয়া কাঁদিয়া, তোমার চরণে
পড়িয়াছি সুবিহ্বল ॥৪॥

vardhakye ekhana, pancha-roge hata,
kemane bhajiba bala'
kandiya kandiya, tomara charane
padiyachhi suvihvala [4]

Now aged, I am afflicted by five-fold diseases. Tell me, how shall I serve? Crying incessantly, I have fallen at your feet, utterly bewildered.

Now I have become old and I am suffering from five diseases (pancha-roga). These are not material diseases, these are transcendental diseases. There are many material diseases in this world, such as cancer, some stomach problem, etc. and there are five transcendental diseases—avidya (ignorance), asmita (false identification), raga (misdirected love), dvesa (aversion to anything that goes against one's enjoyment), and abhinivesa (being unable to give up unfavourable habits). (1) Avidya means ignorance. We think we are not a jiva soul, we think we are this body. (2) Asmita means too much attachment to the material body, to the family life, to your wife, husband, father, mother, etc. (3) Raga means too much attachment to that which is favourable to the body. For example, you think, "Oh, I need now so many things for the body!" (4) Dvesa-buddhi means you do not like to always accept that which is favourable to devotion. (5) Instead, we are always attached to that which is favourable to the body (abhinives). These are the five diseases that we are always attacked by.

Now I am crying, "Prabhu! I am falling down at your lotus feet! I want to surrender to you because without you I have no other way, you are my only hope! Only you can rescue me from this situation!" We always pray to Gurudev like this. Jay.

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