Rejected and Dejected?
His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Question: Today we were near the place of Chhota Haridas and we heard the story of Chhota Haridas. I have a question: Mahaprabhu rejected him although he did not do anything very bad, and I felt somewhat scared today thinking what my position is then...
Mahaprabhu did not reject him. Mahaprabhu is the teacher—to show an example to us all, He gives punishment to His own person.
Gurudev also said to me, "Get out from here!" One time, I went away and came back in half an hour saying, "Gurudev, I need some money for the building," but he said, "You can sell your kidney!" This is what Gurudev said to me, but do you think he rejected me? He told me to get out, and I got out for half an hour, but after half an hour I came back. Gurudev thought, "I am chastising him, I am giving him this punishment—I want to see how much he can tolerate, I want to see if he can stay with me. If I tell him to get out and he gets out, then he is not my man." You can understand it easily...
Gurudev said in my presence and in front of everybody, "I can chastise only one person, [he said my name]. If I chastise someone else, they will run away, but if I chastise him, I know he will not run away..."
Question: The more I become involved in service, the more bad qualities I see in myself, and I feel discouraged... What should I do?
If you can see your bad qualities yourself, that is a good symptom. Generally, we think we are very pure: perhaps, nobody can see your fault, but Krishna can see it. Do you understand? If we think we are very pure, that we are great Vaishnavs, that we know everything, that is our bad quality and it is a big problem. As long as you have some material attachment you will not get relief. You have heard the story about Indra and Brahma, have you not? There is also one story about Satyakam and Jabala.
There was once a small boy Satyakam ("satyakam" means "one who always tells the truth, satya"). His mother's name was Jabala. One day, Satyakam came to his mother and said,
"Mother, you work so hard, go to many places for me... If you give me permission, I can go to Gurudev's house tomorrow—I have heard there is one bona fide Guru, his name is Gautam Goswami. I can go to his temple, gurukul, and stay there..."
"Yes, you can go tomorrow, I do not mind," said his mother Jabala.
"Mother," said Satyakam, "I will go there, but when Gurudev sees me, he will ask me many questions... 'What is your father's name? What is your mother's name? Where is your house?' and so on."
"You can answer your mother's name is Jabala, your house is in this village."
"I know my mother's name is Jabala and my house is in this village, but who is my father? You have never told my my father's name."
"You should tell your Guru the truth."
"What is the truth?" asked Satyakam.
"I work for many people, serve and mix with different men, so I do not know who your actual father is..."
The next day Satyakam went to his Gurudev's ashram.
When Gautam Goswami saw him, he said, "You look like a very nice brahman boy... Who is your father? Who is your mother?" He asked him many questions, and Satyakam answered, "My mother's name is Jabala, my house is there, but, Gurudev, I do not know my father's name. My mother said she was working and serving many people, she does not know who my real father is and I also do not know." His Guru, Gautam Goswami, became surprised, "Who can tell the truth like this? His name is Satyakam and he actually tells the truth." He said to the boy, "I will not wait to give you initiation. Bring some wood and the brahman thread, I will give you the second initiation now, I will not delay a moment."
So, Gautam Goswami gave initiation to Satyakam. After his initiation, Satyakam paid obeisance to his Guru and asked, "Gurudev, you have given me initiation, but can you now give me some service? How can I make you happy? Please tell me, what service can I do to please you?" Gurudev became even more surprised, "Many brahmacharis, many sannyasis stay at the temple, but they want their own happiness, they do not think about their Gurudev's happiness. Nobody here thinks how to make their Guru happy, how come this small nine-year-old boy thinks like this?!" Then he said to Satyakam,
"Satyakam, can you make me happy? I have four hundred cows, but nobody is thinking about them—everybody is always thinking about milk and chhana (paneer)... Can you make the cows happy?"
"Yes, Gurudev," said Satyakam, "I can serve the cows. With your permission I can take them to graze in the field."
"Yes, do that," answered his Gurudev.
"But I would like to request you something. Allow me not to come back until I can increase the number of the cows from four hundred to one thousand. I will make one thousand cows and then come back to your ashram."
Gautam Goswami was happy with that, and Satyakam took the cows to the fields to graze. He began to wait when there will be one thousand cows. One day there were four hundred and five cows, then four hundred and six, and so on. In this way, after a few years there was one thousand cows and Satyakam started his way back to Gurudev's ashram.
Satyakam walked all day and stayed under a tree for the night, and each night many demigods came to him. One night, the demigod of air came, another night the demigod of fire, then the sun, the moon, and so on. Many demigods came and gave him divya-jnan, enlightenment, so much knowledge.
By the time Satyakam reached his Guru's ashram, he had become very exalted, and divya-jyoti, divine effulgence, was coming from his body. When he came to the ashram and his Gurudev saw him, he was surprised, "Satyakam! You have become such a big boy! I have been waiting for you! I am becoming old now and I have been waiting for you for many years. I am very happy to see you!" Looking at his disciple, the Guru asked him, "How did you learn so many things? You have been only doing the cow seva... Who taught you all this?" Satyakam told his Guru everything and added at the end, "Gurudev, but it is not sufficient. I want to learn something from you."
Then, Gautam Goswami taught him Srimad Bhagavatam, and Satyakam became a great Vaishnav. Soon after that, the Guru said, "Now my duty is finished, I am going to my place..." and he left making Satyakam the acharya of his ashram. Do you understand? Who become a guru? A prostitute's son. And who is the Guru? A cowherd boy.
...All right, we have said many things, many stories today—we can continue the whole night and the whole day... It is very nice we have got this little time though. We do not know if we will be alive tomorrow, if we will exist in this body, but we must not waste our time, must always use the time for the service to the Guru, for chanting the Holy Name. Have you heard Srimad Bhagavatam's story about Khatvanga Maharaj? How many minutes was his lifetime? One moment (forty-eight minutes).
One time, the demigods and the demons were fighting and the demigods won the war. After the war, the demigods said to Khatvanga Maharaj,
"We have won the war with your help, you were there with us, so we want to give you some boon. What would you like to get?"
"If you want to give me a boon, OK, I will tell you later, but you are demigods, can you tell me how many days my lifetime is?" replied Khatvanga Maharaj.
"O Khatvanga Maharaj, your lifetime is only one moment..."
"Only one moment? Forty-eight minutes?! I will not think about anything—I am surrendering my mind, my heart, my everything to the lotus feet of Hari."
Khatvanga Maharaj was very fortunate because he knew his lifetime was only one moment, but we do not know how many days, how many minutes more we will live—it may be one minute, may be two minutes, or two years. We do not know it...
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