"I Want to Be a Good Follower of My Gurudev"

His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj
Speaking online to devotees in Ecuador
28 September 2019, Tarakeswar, part 1

...Srila Bhakti Raksak Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj used Gurudev, Om Vishnupad Jagad-Guru Srila Bhakti Sundar Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj, for the service to the devotees, and Gurudev gave that opportunity to me also even though I am a fallen soul, I do not have any qualities or qualifications, I am very poor, I have no devotees' qualification.

There are so many gurus in this world, but Srila Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur said that it is very rare to find a pure disciple. You can get so many gurus, but you will not so easily get a pure, perfect disciple in this world. Actually, I have never wanted to be a Guru, and to this day I still do not think that I am a Guru. I always think that I want to be a good disciple of my Gurudev—I want to be a servitor of Gurudev's devotees, I want to be a good follower of my Gurudev. Like all his followers, I am also trying to fulfil his desire. And I want sadness, I want austerity if it pleases my Gurudev. Austerity is not a problem for me. If I become sad, it is not a problem—as long as I can make my Guru happy, that is sufficient for me in my life. If I can use all my senses in the service of my Guru, then I am satisfied thinking that I, a fallen soul, am being useful to my Gurudev.

I want benefit for Gurudev's Mission, I want to help devotees. I do not want any position. Actually, I never chose my service—I have always been happy to do whatever service Gurudev used me for. So many problems can come, so many things can come, but I promised to my Guru that I will not run away from service. I want to use my last drop of blood for my Gurudev's service, for the service of his Mission. That is my promise, that is my determination, and I do not think that it is my duty, I have forgotten all about duty—I only want to make His Divine Grace happy. This is my ultimate desire.

There is so much confusion and so many problems going on in the Western community, but still some devotees are still always with me, some devotees are helping me, remembering me, and I think that it is only Gurudev's mercy because I have no quality and qualification—I have none of the qualities that are necessary for a Vaishnav! I have nothing, I am only a tiny jiva soul, but if I can be used for service in some way, that is sufficient for me.

I saw in Ramayan that when they were building the bridge to Lanka, Hanuman would bring all the huge stones, but there was also one tiny squirrel who would go to the river, put its tail in the water, scoop some sand and shake that sand off at the bridge. I also want to be like that squirrel—I want to be a small servitor. I do not want to be a big servitor, I do not think that I am a Guru. You know that I am not that kind of person—I go marketing, I go here, there, everywhere. Some think, "I write books, so why will I go to cook?" No, Gurudev's servitor will do whatever is required. Whatever task Gurudev gives me, everything is service. I do not think that something is a bad quality, or that this is a bad service and that is a good service. I am not choosy—I must do whatever service comes to me. This is my mood, and this is my happiness. I am praying to you all, to everybody, that you may please engage me as your friend, as your brother, as your servant—please use me for the service of Gurudev's Mission.

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