Our Feelings

His Divine Grace
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj,
Sri Nabadwip Dham, 28 March 2010

[This is the first assembly of devotees on the morning following Srila Govinda Maharaj's disappearance. Having sat quietly, uncomfortably and sadly most of the class, His Divine Grace let other sannyasis speak and at the end made this brief address.]

Haribol. Jay. We will meet again at the nat-mandir after the arati this evening. Everybody will be able to say something. I know that all those who served Gurudev have their feelings, they can express them then.

I sometimes think that whenever Gurudev passed stool, his servant would immediately write it down, but what is she going to write now? When I came to see Gurudev the day before yesterday, I saw her writing it down, too. And another servitor also came to Gurudev and asked, 'Gurudev, this email has come, what will be your answer?'

Actually, when they told me the news yesterday, I first thought that I would come and first of all give a slap to **. 'What was she doing?! She is a doctor! Why did Gurudev leave?!' So much anger was coming to me, I could not tolerate it, but by the time I came there, all my mood had changed by Krishna's mercy. I realise that all of them were serving Gurudev.

There is also another servitor. Gurudev kept asking, 'Where is Acharya Maharaj?' but that servitor told me, 'No! You cannot go inside!' I thought, 'But it is for Gurudev, why is he chastising me?' They chastised me like that just the day before yesterday. I told **, 'This is important,' and she told me, 'Gurudev's health is what is important!' I thought to myself, 'What is this?' And yesterday also when another devotee heard the news, she started chastising and shouting at me so much – she actually grabbed me so hard that I fell down because I had no strength.

I understand that these are their sincere feelings, they are not pretending. They are only expressing their feelings in this way. I have also heard that many Singapore devotees came from far away – as soon as they got the news, they bought plane tickets and came. How much love and affection they have for Gurudev. It is exceptional and unforgettable.

I would like to finish here. Please forgive my offence. We will meet again in the evening. If anybody wants to say anything, you can speak in the evening. Everybody will get a chance to say something about Gurudev.

Jay Srila Guru Maharaj ki jay.

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