My Sole Aspiration

His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj
Speaking online to devotees in the USA
28 September 2019, Tarakeswar

I can see you all by the mercy of Gurudev. I know that you have been waiting for me, so I am very thankful to you.

You are engaging me in the service to devotees; that is my happiness. I am very happy when devotees engage me in their service and in the service to my Gurudev. It always makes me happy. I do not feel any austerity or any problems. All I want is to be a servitor. I never want to be a guru. Actually, I am only trying to be a proper disciple of my Gurudev.

There are many gurus in this world, but there are very few disciples. Disciples are very rare. You will find many gurus in this world, but you will not find a proper disciple here. That is the main problem. We take initiation – we offer some flowers at gurudev's lotus feet and give him some pranami (guru-daksina) – and we think that it is sufficient, but this is not a proper relation, or connection, with our gurudev. It is very rare to see a heart-to-heart connection with the guru. That is why Srila Prabhupad Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur said that you will not find a proper guru in this age of Kali, and just as a proper guru is very rare, a proper disciple is also very rare.

Gurudev is the root, the centre of the disciple's heart, that is why we try to serve all devotees and try to engage them in service. Gurudev has also made me his offering to the Deities – he has used me as an offering to the Deities and his Guru Maharaj; and all I want is to be that proper offering to my guru, nothing more than that.

Many problems can come, many contradictions can come, many gurus can come, but it is not for me to see what others are doing. I do not see their faults, and I do not think about what others are doing. I depend upon Krishna. I want to be crazy about my guru, I want to be crazy about the service to the Lord.

Everything is the mercy of the Lord. Whether happiness comes or unhappiness comes, devotees do not mind anything, devotees never think about that. Devotees do not think about themselves, about their austerities or happiness – devotees always want gurudev's happiness and devotees' happiness. That is my happiness, too.

By the mercy of Gurudev, you are spending very much energy to preach Krishna consciousness everywhere, that is why I am getting one more year of life. So many phone calls are coming from all over the world today, so I am thinking, 'Now I have to stay in this world longer.' Please give me your mercy, please engage me as your servant. I am always at your service, and I will accept humbly whatever you decide. That is my determination.

Actually, I have no Vaishnav qualities, I have no disciple qualities. To be a proper disciple, it is necessary to have many qualities, but I do not have such proper qualities as a disciple. I am only a tiny jiva-soul, like an ant. I do not think that I am a big guru – I always want to continue serving my Gurudev as I did before. I do not want to take any puja, any donations (pranami) for my own purpose. Sometimes I think that I do not want to use even a single coin for my own enjoyment. I must use everything for Gurudev's mission and for devotees' service. I always engage myself in that.

Devotee: Is there anything we can do for you?

[His Divine Grace chuckles] Only please engage me in service, that is sufficient. All right, I would like to finish here.

Jay Gurudev.
Jay Om Vishnupad Srila Bhakti Sundar Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj ki jay.
All the assembled distinguished devotees ki jay.
Nitai Gaura premanande Hari bol.

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