SRI SRI PREMA-VIVARTA: CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Contradictory Transformations

bhai-re
vrndavane yaoya ara halo na [1]

bhai-re–O brother, ara yaoya halo na–I could not continue vrndavane–to Vrindavan. [1]

O brother, I could not continue to Vrindavan.

dekhiya na–I had not seen gora-mukha–Gora's face, [and so] dheyaiya–was meditating gora-rupa–on Gora's form; bhuli'–I lost patha–the way [and] yai–went anya desa–elsewhere. phiri'–Turning around ha-ite–from sekhana–there, yai punah–I went on dhiri dhiri–slowly. [When] punah asi'–I came back, dekhi–I saw se pradesa–the same place. [2]

I had not seen Gora's face and so was meditating on His form; I lost the way and went in the wrong direction. I turned back and slowly went on. When I came back, I saw I was in the same place!

ei-rupe–In this way, kata dine–for many days, [I thought,] ami–I yaba–would go vrndavane–to Vrindavan, [but] jani na–I did not know ki–what mora dasa habe–condition would befall me. ami–I kati–passed ahar-nisi–days and nights basi' basi'–sitting vrksa-tale–under trees, [and] kabhu–sometimes mora ghora nidra ase–I slept heavily. [3]

In this way, for many days I thought I would go to Vrindavan, but I did not know what would become of me. I passed days and nights sitting under trees, and sometimes I slept heavily.

svapne–In a dream, giya–I went bahu dure–a long way, pravesiya–arrived sindhu-tate–at the shore of the ocean, [where] dekhi–I saw gorara–Gora's apurva–wonderful nartana–dancing. gadadhara–Gadadhar nache–danced sange–with [Him]. bhakta-gana–The devotees nache–danced range–joyfully, [and] gaya–they sang gita–songs [that were like] amrta varsana–showers of nectar. [4]

In a dream, I walked a long way and arrived at the shore of the ocean, where I saw Gora's wonderful dancing. Gadadhar and the devotees joyfully danced with Him, and they sang songs that were like showers of nectar.

nrtya-gita-avasane–When they finished dancing and singing, gora–Gora tane–pulled mora–my hata–hand [and] bale–said, "tumi–"You chhadi' gele–left krodhe–in anger. bala–Tell [Me,] ki–what [was] amara–My dosa–fault? tava–Your chitta–heart [is] suchanchala–so fickle: phele–you left ama–Me hetha–here [and] gele–went vraje–to Vraja! [5]

When they finished dancing and singing, Gora took my hand and said, "You left in anger. Tell Me, what was My fault? Your heart is so fickle: you left Me here and went to Vraja!

aisa–Come! alingana kari–I will embrace [you]. dhari'–Holding [My] vaksa–chest tava vakse–to your chest, muni–I chhando–will give up [My] chittera vikara–anxiety. paka kariya–Cook madhyahne–at midday [and] deha–give more–Me anna–some rice [and] saka–spinach [so that] amara–My ksun-nivrtti ha-uk–hunger will [also] be relieved. [6]

"Come! Let Me embrace you, let Me hold your chest to Mine, then My anxiety will go away. Cook at midday and give Me some rice and spinach so that My hunger will also be relieved.

jagadanande–O Jagadananda! chhadiya–after [your] leaving, bhojanadi la-ila–I ate, slept, and so on, kata dina–for many days [while] mora–My mana–heart [was] niranande–unhappy. ki bujhiya–With what understanding tumi gele–did you leave [Me]? ami–I padinu–slumped duhkhete–in sadness: jaga–Jaga [is] sada–always daya-hina–merciless more–to Me. [7]

"O Jagadananda, after you left, I ate and slept for many days with an unhappy heart. Why did you leave Me? I slumped into sadness: Jaga is always merciless to Me.

sighra–Quickly nirakhiya–see vraja–Vraja, tumi aisa–come back sukhi hana–feeling happy, [and] deha–offer more–Me sakanna–some rice, spinach, [and] vyanjana–vegetables. tabe ta'–Then ami–I vanchiba–will live, [and] tate–thereby sukhi habe–you will [also] be happy. tumi kakhana chhada na–Never leave more–Me krodhe"–out of anger." [8]

"Quickly see Vraja, come back happy, and offer Me some rice, spinach, and vegetables. Then I will be able to live, and you will also be happy. Never leave Me out of anger again."

ami–I nidra bhangi'–suddenly awoke [and] dekhi–saw [that I was] nikatete–near jahnavi-puline–the bank of the Ganges, bahu-dura–far away vraja-bhumi–from the land of Vraja. aha!–Oh! navadvipa-dhama–Nabadwip Dham! nitya-gaura-lila-grama–The eternal abode of Gaura's Pastimes! ati samichina–The perfect vraja-sara–essence of Vraja! [9]

I suddenly awoke and saw that I was on the bank of the Ganges, far away from the land of Vraja. Oh! Nabadwip Dham! The eternal abode of Gaura's Pastimes! The perfect essence of Vraja!

anandete–Overjoyed [to be] mayapure–in Mayapur, pravesinu–I entered antahpure–the inner apartment [of the Lord's house and] nami–bowed ai-mata-pada–at the feet of Mother Sachi. bali'–I spoke gaurangera katha–Gauranga's message, sighra–quickly chali' ailama–came out, [and] dekhi–saw navadvipa-susampada–the divine opulence of Nabadwip. [10]

Overjoyed to be in Mayapur, I entered the inner apartment of the Lord's house and bowed at the feet of Mother Ai. I explained what Gauranga had told me, quickly came out, and saw the divine opulence of Nabadwip.

bhavilama–I felt [that] darasana karilama–I had seen vrndavana–Vrindavan, [so] ara kena–why again yau–should I go dura desa–to that faraway land? darasana kari'–I will meet gaura–Gaura, parihari'–give up saba–all [my] duhkha–sadness, [and] chhadi' diba–leave behind virahaja-klesa–the sorrow produced by separation. [11]

I felt that I had already seen Vrindavan, so why should I now go to that faraway land? Instead, I will go to meet Gaura, give up all my sadness, and leave behind the sorrow of separation.

Translator's Note
Introduction
In Praise of Sri Sri Prema-vivarta
Sri Sri Prema-vivarta:
1 Invocation of Auspiciousness
2 The Composition of this Book
3 First Obeisances
4 Gaura's Greatness
5 Transformations of Ecstasy in Service
6 The Journey of the Soul
7 The Name is for Everyone
8 Give up Deceit
9 Proper Renunciation
10 Caste and Class
11 The Light of Nabadwip
12 Glories of the Vaisnavas
13 Eagerness to see Sri Gaura
14 Contradictory Transformations
15 Morning Pastimes in Nabadwip
16 What is Love?
17 Different Practices for Different Devotees
18 Sri Ekadasi
19 A Collection of Hidden Truths about the Name
20 The Glories of the Name
+ The Ten Offences to the Holy Name
+ Glossary